158 - Happy Thanksgiving!

I'd like to wish all of my friends here, a happy and wonderful Thanksgiving! Here's hoping you celebrate safely with family and friends, and remember what you're thankful for.

Well, after a LOT of work for Thanksgiving dinner, we'll be washing and packing on Friday to leave very early Saturday morning for the airport. I've been in touch with Mike, our friend from Alabama we're going on the cruise with, and a lot of fun is planned.
I truly enjoy vacationing with Mike and his wife, as they're such wonderful people, and dear friends.

Tomorrow night, my wife and I will begin preparation of the 20+ pound turkey we got, stuffing, vegetables.. etc for Thursday. It's a tremendous amount of work, but it's so well worth it when everyone sits down to dinner. Even my wife's brother and his fiance are coming!

Well, I'll leave you all with a joke meant for my buddy Bubba (Kent), sent to me by my dear friend Karen:

We have enjoyed the redneck jokes for years. It's time to take a reflective look at the core beliefs of a culture that values home, family, country and God. If I had to stand before a dozen terrorists who threaten my life, I'd choose a half dozen or so rednecks to back me up. Tire irons, squirrel guns and grit -- that's what rednecks are made of. I hope I am one of those. If you feel the same, pass this on to your redneck friends.Ya'll know who ya' are.

You might be a redneck if: You've never protested about seeing the 10 Commandments posted in public places.

You might be a redneck if: You still say ' Christmas' instead of 'Winter Festival.'

You might be a redneck if: You bow your head when someone prays.

You might be a redneck if: You stand and place your hand over your heart when they play the National Anthem.

You might be a redneck if: You treat our armed forces veterans with great respect, and always have.

You might be a redneck if: You've never burned an American flag, nor intend to.

You might be a redneck if: You know what you believe and you aren't afraid to say so, no matter who is listening.

You might be a redneck if: You respect your elders and raised your kids to do the same.

You might be a redneck if: You'd give your last dollar to a friend.

If you got this email from me, it is because I believe that you, like me, have just enough Red Neckin you to have the same beliefs as those talked about in this email.

God Bless the USA !

Until I return my friends, have a great week and Happy Thanksgiving!

157 - 3 Days to Go!

Yes, 3 days of work, then Thanksgiving. We bought the turkey today (a 20 pounder), and got just about all the trimmings. I love waking up to the smell of turkey cooking on Thanksgiving (we usually put it in the oven at around 5am!).

Then, Saturday morning we head to the airport to Orlando Florida, where we take the shuttle to Port Canaveral, and meet our friends at the pier. I'm very excited to see them again (every vacation with them is just perfect), and it'll be a great time, I'm sure. We have some wonderful things planned for each stop, so it'll be non-stop fun.

I'll only be posting this week, Monday and Wednesday, then I'll be off till Monday the 8th of December.

I bought a new DVD this past week, and if you haven't seen it, check out WALL E from Disney/Pixar pictures. It's outstanding. My daughter came over last night and we all watched it.

Well, on to the funny for today:

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
'In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said,  'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'
The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. 'It represents a candle', he said.
'You may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Peter said.
The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, 'They're bells.'
Saint Peter said 'You may pass through the pearly gates'.
The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and  finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just what do those symbolize?'
The man replied, 'These are Carols.'

And So The Christmas Season Begins......

Have a wonderful Monday!

156 - Seven Days till Vacation

Ok, so I moved the date up to Thanksgiving... because as of that day, I'm actually on vacation even though the cruise doesn't begin till Saturday.

My mother in law, wife and brother in law had a meeting at the doctors this week to explain to everyone what was going to happen. They were all told that this cancer could be anywhere, including in the bones and blood, so the PET scan was ordered. Even though my MIL feels great right now, there's a rough road ahead.
I thank you all for your kind words, thoughts and prayers.

Well, it's a good time of year for me, NCAA College Basketball time! The UCONN Men are ranked #2 in the country, and the women are ranked #1. I enjoy watching them all the way till March Madness, after which it'll be time to take the Vette out again! *S*

Thanksgiving will be at our house again as usual, and it's always nice to have the family all together for the day. This weekend, my brother and I will go pick out the turkey. I can smell the turkey cooking already... *S* One of my favorite days of the year is Thanksgiving because of how the house smells when I wake up (after putting the turkey in the oven at around 5am).

And now, on to a funny:

Dear Mrs. Fenton,

Over the past six months, your husband, Mr. Bill Fenton has been causing quite a  commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this type of behavior and have considered banning the entire family from shopping in any of our stores.

We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment.

Three of our clerks are attending counseling from the trouble your husband has caused. All complaints against Mr. Fenton have been compiled and are listed below.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people’s carts when they weren’t looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the restrooms.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, ‘Code 3′ in housewares….. and watched what happened.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M’s on layaway.

6. September 14: Moved a ‘CAUTION - WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.

7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he’d invite them in if they’ll bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks Why can’t you people just leave me alone?’

9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, and picked his nose.

10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.

11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the “Mission Impossible” theme.

12. December 6: In the auto department, practiced his “Madonna look” using different size funnels.
13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yelled “PICK ME!” “PICK ME!”

14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumes the fetal position and screams “NO! NO! It’s those voices again!!!!”

(And; last, but not least!)

15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door and waited a while; then, yelled, very loudly, “There is no toilet paper in here!”

Have a great weekend all!

155 - Wordless Wednesday (and a funny)

 

(click on picture to 'embiggen')

154 - More MIL News

Well, my MIL went to the oncologist on Friday, and the bad news is the cancer she has is a very aggressive type. She has to go for a PET Scan this Tuesday, to see if it's anywhere else in her body. She also has to have both Chemo and Radiation.

The good news is she doesn't appear at least yet to have any more, but we'll find out more after the PET Scan. Keep your thoughts and prayers coming folks!

The Wine & Food tasting on Friday night was outstanding, and we had a very good time. We found many wines we like and wrote them all down for later reference.

Saturday night, I went with 2 friends to see Quantum of Solace, the new James Bond movie. I was disappointed in some huge plot holes, and the complete lack of any Bond "Gadgets". It was, at best, a good movie.

Sunday, my daughter and I took the Vette for one last ride, then put the cover on her for the winter. *frown*

That's it for now.. very busy writing this tonight, so I'll leave you with this funny:

Here's a Texas one for Mark:

Two guys are speeding through Texas when a state trooper pulls them over. The trooper walks up to the drivers side of the car, gets out his billy club and smacks the driver across the face. Stunned, the driver asks, ''Why did you do that??''

The trooper responds, ''You're in Texas now son, you have that license out and ready around here!''

''I apologize sir, I'm not from around here.''

The trooper then walks to the passenger side of the car, and taps on the window. The passenger rolls down his window and the trooper takes out his club and smacks the passenger across the face.

''What was that for?'' asked the passenger.

''I know your kind,'' says the trooper, ''About two miles down the road you would have looked at your buddy and said 'I wish that son of a bitch would have tried that crap with me!'''

Have a nice Monday all...!

153 - Counting Down the Days...

15 Days till Vacation. 13 if you count from Thanksgiving!

Tomorrow night, my wife and I are going to a Wine and Food Tasting at the Warner Theater. We've been there a few years back, and it's a wonderful time. The tickets were a gift to me for my birthday this year from my friend Dave and his wife Tina.

Other than that, I have to put the cover on the Vette this weekend, and hook up the battery trickle charger. Not too exciting a weekend.

Thursday, on the way home from work I stopped at a store up here called Linen & Things (who are going out of business here) and bought a very nice Henckel knife set for the kitchen. Anyone who's ever done any professional cooking knows that Henckel is one of the top brands. They're 'high carbon steel', not stainless steel like the more inexpensive knives on the market. I used to have a small set long ago when I was a cook, and having these here now.. well, you'd have to hold them in your hand to know how good they feel to an ole former chef like me.

And now for you michelle, a pun:

In the great desert lived a band of nomads. Their leader, Benny, had risen to his rank due to his magnificent beard. His people believed a man's strength and courage came from his beard, and thus the man with the biggest beard was their chief.
After leading the band for many years, Benny began to fell uncomfortable wearing the beard, in this hot and dusty land. He wanted to shave it off, so he called his council together to get their advice.
When he said he wanted to shave, the councilmen were shocked. One said, "Do you not remember the ancient legend, Sire. The leader who removes his beard is cursed and made into a piece of earthenware."
Benny had heard this legend, but being a modern man, he scoffed at the tale.
Being headstrong, he went ahead and cut and scraped away his once magnificent beard. As the final whisker was cut off, a huge dust storm came up. It lasted only a few seconds, and when it cleared, there was a man-sized clay vessel where only moments before had stood their leader.
The council then knew the legend must be true. Their conclusion? "A Benny shaved is a Benny urned."

Have a wonderful weekend all!

152 - Christmas Shopping

I had today off for Veterans day, and my daughter and I went Christmas shopping. As of tonight, all I have to do is get something for my mom (I know what she wants and I can get it here in town) and I'm DONE!!!!

Boy does that feel good to say!!!

I really enjoy shopping with my daughter. She's so much like me. We both have the same taste in clothes be it for women or men, and we don't spend a lot of time shopping in a store that obviously won't have what we want.
We left early this morning, and got back around 4pm after visiting 2 malls and the Co-Op at UCONN. Now, I can sit back and listen to everyone else's shopping horror stories! *chuckling*
Normally, we don't finish our shopping till maybe the day before Christmas. While my wife may need to shop for people (including me), she's on her own. *S*

Other than that, not much else new as of now.

Here's today's funny (Mark, bet you haven't heard this one!)

A tourist in Vienna is going through a graveyard and all of a sudden he hears some music. No one is around, so he starts searching for the source.
He finally locates the origin and finds it is coming from a grave with a headstone that reads: Ludwig van Beethoven, 1770-1827. Then he realizes that the music is the Ninth Symphony and it is being played backward! Puzzled, he leaves the graveyard and persuades a friend to return with him.
By the time they arrive back at the grave, the music has changed. This time it is the Seventh Symphony, but like the previous piece, it is being played backward.

Curious, the men agree to consult a music scholar. When they return with the expert, the Fifth Symphony is playing, again backward. The expert notices that the symphonies are being played in the reverse order in which they were composed, the 9th, then the 7th, then the 5th.
By the next day the word has spread and a throng has gathered around the grave. They are all listening to the Second Symphony being played backward.
Just then the graveyard's caretaker ambles up to the group. Someone in the crowd asks him if he has an explanation for the music.
"Oh, it's nothing to worry about" says the caretaker. "He's just decomposing!"

Have a great Hump-Day!

151 - Putting My Baby Away

Yep, this week, I put my Corvette away for the winter. I've already topped off the gas, checked the air in the tires, left to do is back the tires onto some soft carpet sections, connect the trickle-charger and put the car cover on her. It's a sad time for me.. but soon enough I'll take her out again in the Spring. Have I mentioned, gasoline around here is as low as $2.11 per gallon?

20 More days till vacation!!!

Friday night, the Brew Pub wasn't as nice as we had hoped. It seemed they went for a more young crowd, so the food was very under par, and before we left a band was setting up that was tuning up for about 20 minutes, giving the 4 of us a headache. Sad, as the place is only about 50 feet from a very fancy theater (the kind with great plays, sometimes off broadway shows and shows of people the likes of George Carlin, B.B. King and the like).

Sunday, my daughter and I went to do a bit of Christmas shopping (I want to get all mine done before Thanksgiving. A lofty goal I know, but one I hope to be able to fulfill.

I ended up getting myself a new Winter jacket, a new pair of Dockers pants. My daughter got herself a new pair of boots, and a few other things. All in all, it was productive but I really didn't get anything for anyone else for Christmas. I have Tuesday off, so we're going to go off shopping again in search of the elusive holiday gift.

On to my funny of the day:

Marrying A Connecticut Girl
Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives duties they needed to perform.
The first man had married a woman from Louisiana and bragged he had told his wife she was going to do all the dishes and house-cleaning. He said it took a couple days, but on the third day, he came home to a clean house, and the dishes were done.
The second man had married a woman from Florida. He bragged he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. On the first day, he didn't see any results, but the next day, it was better. By the third day, his house was clean, the dishes were done and he had a huge dinner on the table.
The third man married a woman from Connecticut. He told her that her duties were to keep the house clean, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry done and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day, he didn't see anything. The second day, he didn't see anything, but by the third day, most of the swelling had gone down, and he could see a little out of his left eye.

Have a great Monday!

150 - MIL Update

My mother in law had her doctors appointment today, and he was very pleased at how things went. There were two spots, and one was just a cyst, the other was cancerous. He did get it all out, and now wants her to see an Oncology Radiologist, to see if he wants her on Chemo/Radiation or none at all. All in all though, he was very pleased, so we all breathed a sigh of relief.

My daughter came over today, and we called the credit card company today and moved the money from her account to mine. The lady laughed at my mistake (I was laughing too) and we all got a good chuckle out of it.

Friday night, we're supposed to go out to eat at a new Brew Pub with not too far away, so that should be interesting.

That's it for tonight (Thursday night), have a wonderful Friday and here's your joke of the day!

An enthusiastic door-to-door vacuum salesman goes to the first house in his new territory. He knocks, a real mean and tough looking lady opens the door, and before she has a chance to say anything, he runs inside and dumps cow patties all over the carpet.

He says, "Lady, if this vacuum cleaner don't do wonders cleaning this up, I'll eat every chunk of it."

She turns to him with a smirk and says, "You want ketchup on that?"

The salesman says, "Why do you ask?"

She says, "We just moved in and we haven't got the electricity turned on yet."

149 - Credit Card Capers

Here's a good one for you...

While doing the bills tonight, I noticed our credit card bill showed it hadn't been paid last month! It was a big one too, with our upcoming cruise on it. I went into my bank's electronic payment system that I do every month, and saw that the exact payment was paid. I was not going to let them tack on a service charge, and ruin my perfect credit over this, so I called the credit card company and asked them to check my account.

They checked, and they said my last payment was in the first week of September. I told them, my records from my bank showed I had paid them on October 6th. She swore the payment never made it there and asked that I contact my bank.

It was about at this time, I was looking at my bill pay screen and remembered that I also had my daughter's credit card payee listed, as I used to pay her bill through my account before she set up her own a few years ago.

I asked the lady... can she check my daughter's account, and see if I accidentally paid the bill to her account, and sure enough.. there was my money! Well, luckily the lady had a good sense of humor, and realized what a mistake I made, I apologized over and over and laughed at myself for making such a mistake.

The funniest thing is, my daughter had told me last month that when she got her bill in, she had somehow had a huge deposit made on her credit card! She even called them to find out where the money came from and they couldn't tell her.

Luckily, she'll come over Thursday and we'll get it all straightened out.

Don't let this happen to you! *LOL*

And, my usual funny:

An Irish daughter had not been home for over five years. Upon her return, her father cursed her.

Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old mum thru?

The girl, crying, replied, "Sniff, sniff... Dad... I became a prostitute..."

"Ye what!!? Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this family."

"OK, Dad -- as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a savings certificate for $5 million."

"For me little brother, this gold Rolex and for ye daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside plus a membership to the country club... (takes a breath)... and an invitation for ye all to spend New Years' Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera, and..."

"Now what was it ye said ye had become?" says dad.

Girl, crying again, "Sniff, sniff....a prostitute dad! Sniff, sniff.

"Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant. Come here and give yer old man a hug."

Have a great Hump-Day!

148 - 27 Days Till Vacation

And it can't come fast enough. I need it bad! *chuckling*

Well, I had my brother and 2 friends over Saturday... to watch UCONN lose to West Virginia. We so wanted them to win, as they haven't ever beat W.V. in 4 other games. Alas, we will have to wait till next year.

Other than that, I put my Vette down at my MIL's house today.. but I'll probably get it out for one more ride before taking the insurance off of it for the winter. Once I do, the premium drops way down as I leave Fire/Theft/Vandalism on it.

Sunday, my daughter and I visited my mom as usual, she's doing well, and then later we went to see if we could find something for my wife for Christmas. Yeah, I know it's early, but I want to get all my shopping done early. Real early.

Not much else for today, so I'll leave you with a funny:

Joe loved golf, but his eyesight had gotten so bad, that he couldn't find his ball once he'd hit it. He consulted with his wife, and she recommended that Joe bring along her uncle Ted.

Joe said, "But Ted is 80 years old and half senile!"

His wife replied, "Yes, but his eyesight is incredible."

Joe finally agreed and took Ted along. He teed off and could feel that he had hit it solidly. He asked Ted, "Do you see it?"

Ted nodded his head and said, "Boy, that was a beautiful shot!"

Joe excitedly asked, "Well, where did it land?!"

Ted said, "Hmmm. I forget."

Have a great Monday all...!