459 – I was wondering….

If anyone would notice if I stopped posting for a week… well, 2 people noticed. Both people rarely comment too! Thank you Curt and Mike H for noticing!

38 Days till my Cruise…!

Hey Mike, can you believe Baylor lost last night???

The UCONN Women and Men however, are both going to the Final Four! I tell you, what an exciting basketball season it is this year. Much more so for the men, as there are some incredible upsets, like 11th seeded VCU going to the Final Four. I know Mike H and I share the same excitement at this time of the year. Curt… well, he’s a Clemson fan. But I still like him. *chuckle*

Other than that, had a wonderful dinner last Friday night with my brother and friends Brian and Dave.

AND…. can you believe, we’re supposed to get considerable snow Thursday night into Friday? WHERE IS SPRING???

On to something funny:

The Indians asked their Chief in autumn if the winter was going to be cold or not. Not really knowing an answer, the chief replies that the winter was going to be cold and that the members of the village were to collect wood to be prepared.

Being a good leader, he then went to the next phone booth and called the National Weather Service and asked, "Is this winter to be cold?"

The man on the phone responded, "This winter is going to be quite cold indeed."

So the Chief went back to speed up his people to collect even more wood to be prepared. A week later he called the National Weather Service again, "Is it going to be a very cold winter?"

"Yes", the man replied, "it's going to be a very cold winter."

So the Chief goes back to his people and orders them to go and find every scrap of wood they can find. Two weeks later he calls the National Weather Service again: "Are you absolutely sure that the
winter is going to be very cold?"

"Absolutely," the man replies, "the Indians are collecting wood like crazy!"

Have a great Hump-Day all!

458 – Wordless Wednesday – Guess What? 3”-9” Coming!

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457 – March Madness

March Madness is in full swing in my house!

Friday, I had taken a half day off to go to a pub with my brother and co-worker for Wings, Beers and Basketball! We had a great time and I’ve been watching the round ball all weekend!

Saturday afternoon, a wonderful friend called and asked if we wanted to go out to dinner with him and his wife, and we did and had an outstanding time at a new Thai restaurant I know of. They both loved the food there and are putting this restaurant on their “must remember” list.

After dinner, they came to our home and we watched the UCONN Huskies (men) win their second game in the NCAA Tournament.

President Obama has his own basketball brackets, and has done extraordinarily well!

Well, you see how my weekend has gone! *chuckling*

On to something funny:

Bumper Stickers/Snickers:

My karma ran over your dogma.

I brake for... wait... AAAH! NO BRAKES!!!!!

A fool and his money are a girl's best friend.

I'm not driving fast-just flying low.

Help starve a feeding bureaucrat.

My other vehicle is a Romulan Warbird!

Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.

"I is a college student."

If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you.

Gravity- It's not just a good idea, it's the LAW!

Why be difficult, when with a bit of effort, you can be impossible?

Life is too complicated in the morning.

All I want is less to do, more time to do it, and higher pay for not getting it done.

The Schizophrenic: An Unauthorized Autobiography

Nobody's perfect. I'm a Nobody.

My wife said "If you go hunting or fishing one more time I'm going to leave you" ...I'm sure going to miss her.

Ask me about my vow of silence.

Today's subliminal message is: ( )

I love animals, they taste great.

EARTH FIRST! We'll stripmine the other planets later.

"Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes."

Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.

The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.

Have a wonderful Monday!

456 – 50 days till I’m Cruising….!

Yep, my wife and I booked a cruise in May, on the largest cruise ship on Earth, the Allure of the Seas!

It’s 16 stories high (with only a 30 foot draft.. how do they do that?), with 26 restaurants, 7 neighborhoods, 4 pools, 10 whirlpools, a zip line, 2 flow riders (man-made surfing),  a comedy club, and so much more! Even a Broadway show! (Chicago)

We have a nice balcony cabin on deck 8, and I foresee a great time ahead.

Other than that, Friday I take a half day off to go with some friends to a pub for some “Wings, Beers and Basketball”. I’ve been doing this for about 8 years now, and it’s always a great time.

Mom’s doing ok, hasn’t fallen in a while. She’s her ole cantankerous self again *chuckle*.

On to something funny from my friend Mike H:

If you remember a TV show called “The Hollywood Squares”, you’ll love these!

These great questions and answers are from the days when the Hollywood Squares game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are now.

Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course.

Q.  Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?
A. Paul Lynde :   Loneliness!  (The audience laughed so long and so hard it took up almost 15 minutes of the show!)

Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde : If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel : Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.

Q You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A.   Don Knotts : That's what's been keeping me awake.

Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A.  Rose Marie : No wait until morning.

Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver : My sense of decency.

Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say 'I Love You'?
A. Vincent Price : No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.

Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?
A. George Gobel : I don't  know, but it's coming from the next apartment.

Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A.   Rose Marie : You ask me one more growing old question Peter , and I'll give you a gesture you'll never  forget. 

Q.  Paul , why do Hell's Angels  wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde : Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

Q.  Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during  the first year?
A... Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing  strawberries.

Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A.   Rose Marie : Ralph , the pin boy.

Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde : Tape measures.

Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie :  Unfortunately Peter , I'm always safe in the bedroom.

Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen : Only after lights out.

Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde : Make him bark?

Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde : Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.

Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver : It got me out of the army.

Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul   Lynde : Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected..

Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he  trying to do?
A. George Gobel : Get it in his mouth.

Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A.   Paul Lynde : Who told you about my elephant?

Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charle y Weaver : I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him

Q.  Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are  they?
A.   Charley Weaver : His feet.

Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul   Lynde : Point and laugh

Have a wonderful weekend all!

455 - Wordless Wednesday - Gotta Laugh!

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454 – Lots Going On

Happy Pi Day! (3.14)

Well, it’s one of my favorite times of year. March Madness!!!

As you all know, I’m a VERY big UCONN Basketball Fan (Men’s and Women’s teams)
This year, the women are #1 ranked in the country (yet again), and the men, played 5 games in 5 days, beat 4 ranked teams to win the Big East Tournament and earn themselves a #3 seed in the NCAA Tournament.

It looks like we’ll be booking 2 vacations in the next week. 
Because of something that happened on our last cruise, Royal Caribbean has decided to basically give me a free cruise, balcony cabin and all so we’re looking at booking a Baltic Cruise for May.
More on that later.

We’re also booking a 5 day vacation in Mexico at the same resort my brother and I went to last year with our wives.

More later this week, on to something funny (from my friend Mike H):

NORWEGIAN VIRGINS

Olaf Swenson, out in his pasture in northern Minnesota, takes a lightning-quick kick from a cow...right in his crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground.

As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor.  He said 'How bad is it Doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next veek and my fiance, Lena , is still a virgin in every vay.'

The doctor told him, 'Olaf, I'll have to put your willy in a splint to let it heal, and keep it straight. It should be okay next week, but leave it in there as long as you can.  He took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4 sided splint, and taped it all together...quite an impressive work of art.

Olaf mentions none of this to Lena, marries her, and they go on their honeymoon to Duluth .

That night in the Motel 6, Lena rips open her blouse to reveal her beautiful, untouched breasts. 
She said, 'Olaf...you' re the first vun! No vun has EVER seen deez.'

Olaf immediately drops his pants and replies, 'Look at dis Lena ....still in DA CRATE!

Language Barrier
An Italian woman married an American gentleman and they lived happily ever after in
Pittsburgh . The poor lady was not very proficient in English, but did manage to
communicate with her husband. The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for
groceries. 

One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy chicken legs. She didn't know how
to put forward her request, so, in desperation, clucked like a chicken and lifted up
her skirt to show her thighs. Her butcher got the message and gave her the chicken
legs.

Next day she needed to get chicken breasts, again she didn't know how to say it, so
she clucked like a chicken and unbuttoned her blouse to show the butcher her
breasts. The butcher understood again and gave her some chicken breasts.

On the 3rd day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages. Unable to find a way to
communicate this, she brought her husband to the store...

 

 

(Please scroll down.)

 

 

 

What were you thinking?

Her husband speaks English!

I worry about you sometimes.

 

Have a great Monday!

453 – Wordless Wednesday – Riviera Maya 6/2002

 

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452 – Busy Week Ahead!

It was a nice, but busy weekend with things to do every day. Yesterday, I went to the Big East Women's Basketball Tournament with 2 friends to watch the UCONN Women win their first game.

We’re still cleaning out my moms place, and I found a huge container of photos that I went through Saturday night. I must have gone through 3,000+ pictures. Lots of memories there.. pictures of me and my brother as little kids all the way up to about 10 years ago. Lots of pictures of my kids, as babies back then too.

This week, I have a new side-job starting up, and I have to take Thursday to take my mom to a doctors appointment.

We had over 3 inches of rain Sunday, and our rivers are flooding right now. A lot of that snow that we had is melted now, though the big mounds are still there, but a lot smaller.

Well, on to something funny:

A man is sitting in a bar when a beautiful woman walks up and whispers in his ear, "I'll do anything you want for 50 bucks."

He puts his drink down and starts going through his pockets. He pulls out a ten, two five's, a twenty and ten ones.

He thrusts the wadded up money into the woman's hand and says, "Here...paint my house."

A man bought a new Mercedes to celebrate his wife leaving him and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive.

The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him.

"There's no way they can catch a Mercedes," he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100.....Then the reality of the situation hit him. "What am I doing?" he thought and pulled over.

The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car.

"It's been a long hard day, this is the end of my shift and it's Friday the 13th. I don't feel like more paperwork, I don't need the frustration or the overtime, so if you can give me a really good excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before, you can go."

The guy thinks about it for a second and says, "Last week my nagging wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back!"

"Have a nice weekend," said the officer.

Have a nice Monday all…!

451 – No Rant Zone

Sorry about the rant on Wednesday.. I’d just seen so much about “those damn state employees” lately that I’ve been seeing red.

Its’ getting to be one my favorite times soon.. March Madness! This is my “Super Bowl”, my “World Series”. Lets just hope my team makes the big dance! *LOL*

Every day now, it’s getting lighter out as I go to work. Spring is right around the corner. Saturday, it’s going to be near 50 degrees! *S*

Has anyone seen the new iPad? I may end up getting one as my daughter wants mine. Originally, I hadn’t wanted one.. but when I saw how much faster it is, that just about got me until my daughter said she’s buy mine. Hmm… we’ll see.

Is anyone reading this any more?

Time for something funny:

After a 2 year study, the National Science Foundation announced the following results on the American Male's recreational preferences:
1. The sport of choice for unemployed or incarcerated people is: basketball
2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is: bowling.
3. The sport of choice for blue-collar workers is: football.
4. The sport of choice for supervisors is: baseball.
5. The sport of choice for middle management is: tennis.
6. The sport of choice for corporate officers is: golf.
Conclusion: The higher you rise in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become.

 

TOP TEN BAD THINGS ABOUT HAVING A SUMMER TIME SHARE WITH DARTH VADER...
10. Claims those long-distance calls to the Death Star aren't his.
9. Uses Jedi powers to shake up your root beer right before you open it.
8. He's always accusing you of hiding his asthma inhaler.
7. Claims he paid you the rent "a long, long time ago."
6. Dances around in nothing but cape and cowboy hat while doing "Darth Brooks" routine.
5. For once he could use Force to lift his wet towel off the couch.
4. That scary music that plays when he enters a room gets old real fast.
3. You feel like an idiot saying, "No, Darth isn't here. He's on the ice planet Hoth."
2. Not easy cleaning burnt Ewok fur off the barbecue grill.
1. Constantly doing his lame James Earl Jones impression.

Have a nice weekend all!

450 – Thoughts on Collective Bargaining (the short version)

Those that know me, know I’m pro-union. There are many things you may or may not know about Labor Unions in general, that I hope I can shed some light on.

Before I begin, let me ask you this?

Do you get paid vacation days where you work?
Do you get sick time? (and I don’t mean paid ones)
An 8 hour work day (as opposed to 12-16 hours being normal)
Maternity Leave?
Personal Days?
Some part of your health care paid by your employer?
Leave for deaths in your family?

If you do, thank a union.

In a non-union business, you could work there 30+ years, be a model employee, and the boss can lay you off to hire his pimply faced nephew because his sister made him. That won’t happen with a union.

Consider this. There is a BMW Plant in Spartenberg South Carolina, which is non-union. They don’t NEED one, because they’re paid fairly, and they get the benefits listed above. the people there are incredibly happy with their jobs.
I wish we could all be like that, but it just isn’t possible.

Today, we have Big 3 automakers raping the system for many millions of dollars, while the line worker is being asked to take an almost 50% cut in pay. Oh, and in September 2009, GM (for one) rescinded the white collar pay cuts they had taken to get the company back on track. Sorry, not a penny for union workers on the floor actually making the automobiles.

Don’t even get me started about this idiot in Wisconsin.

Not all unions are good. Many are.

We don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater.

Food for thought.

JMHO

Sorry, not in the mood for a joke today.