224 - 2 Work Days Till Vacation!

So far, the work week's going well, the weather is cooperating, we're having sunshine and warm weather all week.

We've already booked an excursion in Jamaica, which takes us to a Jamaican Spice Factory, where we get to try some great food, and spices. In Grand Cayman, we're going to 7 Mile Beach, and we'll also go to Jimmy Buffet's Margaritaville.

I'll start packing on Saturday at some point, I'm always a late packer, but with so many cruises under our belts, we pretty much know what to bring.

For the first time in a long time, I'm not watching the American Idol finale. It just doesn't grab me this year for some reason. *shrug*

Not a lot of time tonight, so on to something funny:

10 Husbands, and Still a Virgin

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.
On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom.
"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

Have a great Hump-Day...!

223 - Four Days till Vacation!

I'll be taking Friday off of work, so technically, I'm on vacation as of Thursday after work! On Friday, I'll go to the movies with my brother to see the new Terminator movie.

Saturday night, we had a nice Graduation Party for my son. We had about 11 people here, and everyone had a good time, and good food (it was a cookout). Now, if we could only get him to find a job, but with the economy the way it is, it may be some time.

The good news about our cruise is, we're back on for Mexico!!! Now I can get my Tequila again. *S*

I'm looking at a new toy, computer-wise... this is what I'm looking at. What do you think? *S*

This past Friday night, it was nice enough to take the Corvette out, and I took it up to the Torrington Cruise Night (about 12 miles from my home). My wife and I had a wonderful time. Now, if only warmer weather would arrive!

On to some fun...:

Late Show Top Ten

Lines Never Before Said in a ‘Star Trek’ Film Presented By Lenord Nimoy

10. Warp factor 8! Arby’s closes in 10 minutes
9. We’re entering a breach in the space-time continuum or a wormhole or some crazy crap like that
8. Set phasers to fabulous!
7. Welcome aboard the Starship Enterprise — today’s in-flight movie is “Big Momma’s House 2”
6. We’ve been hijacked by Somali pirates
5. Sir, I’m going to need Saturday off to attend my nephew’s bar mitzvah
4. My baby-daddy is a Vulcan — on the next “Maury”
3. The Enterprise just hit a goose — we’re gonna have to land in the Hudson
2. Live long, prosper, and keep on hangin’ and bangin’
1. I find your choice of hairpiece highly illogical

Age and Experience

A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa, taking her faithful aged poodle named Cuddles, along for company. One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies,
and before long, Cuddles discovers that he is lost.

Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly
in his direction with the intention of having lunch.
The old poodle thinks, "Oh no, I'm in deep doo doo now!"
Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat.
Just as the leopard is about to leap , the old poodle exclaims loudly, " "Boy, that was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more around here?
Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. "Whew, that was close. That old poodle nearly had me,"
Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but then the old poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed and figures that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes up a deal for himself with the leopard.
The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says,"Here, Monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine !"
Now the old poodle see the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?" But instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to is attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just as they are close enough to hear, the old poodle says, "Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me
another leopard !!"
Moral of this story . . .
Don;t mess with old farts . . age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill ! Bulls**t and brilliance only come with age and experience !!!

Have a great Monday all!

222 - Friday @ Last!

For some reason, this week has gone by at a snail's pace. It's not that I haven't been busy because I have, but still, it's taken forever to get to Friday.

This weekend will be busy too, as we're having a party at our house for the family, for my son's graduation. We'll cook burgers and dog's on the grill, have some salads and a good time for sure.

So, who knows what my son can do with a bachelors degree in English? *chuckling*

I can't believe how many people I now talk to on Twitter. I follow Larry King, Ashton Kutcher and his wife Demi Moore, Jeremy Clarkson, Levar Burton, Brent Spiner, Hugh Jackman, Zane Lamprey, John Cleese, Ryan Seacrest, David Letterman, William Shatner, and Mark,Caroldee and Elaine whose blogs I follow here at left! Twitter has also helped me get my daughter's money back for her notebook that's all messed up.

Saturday 9-11pm on Sci-Fi, they'll be playing the newer version of the movie The Hitchikers Guide to the Galaxy! I hope you watch it if you haven't seen it. The books are a lot funnier, but still it's good.

And now, on to something funny:

First of all, if you think YOU'VE had some awkward family photographs...!

The Service

One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Alex was staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church.

It was covered with names, and small American flags were mounted on either side of it.

The seven-year-old had been staring at th e plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside the boy, and said quietly, "Good morning, Alex."

"Good morning," replied the young man, still focused on the plaque.

"What is this?" Alex asked.

"Well, son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service."

Soberly, they stood together, staring at the large plaque.

Little Alex's voice was trembling and barely audible when he asked, "Which service, the 9:45 or the 11:15?"

Have a great weekend all..!

221 - Nine Days till Vacation

Yeah, the countdown has started, albeit a bit late. The nine days are until next Thursday night, because there's a good chance I won't have to work on that Friday.

In my rush to talk on Monday (and Friday) about my son, Star Trek, and everything else, I forgot to wish all Mothers a Happy Mothers Day. I hope all you mom's out there had a wonderful day. You deserve it.

Can I ask, who posted this in my blog on Friday:

Dave,
Thank you for your kind words about Bob. He often talked about you and the good times you had working together. He battled cancer for over two years, and is finally at peace.

I have no idea who posted it as it was anonymously.. but I would like to thank that person.

Did I mention, I finally found someone at Dell to give my daughter her money back? WHOO HOO!!!! She's pretty happy (and it took quite some detective work to find this person).

And now, for a funny for you:

THE FINAL EXAM

At Penn State University , there were four sophomores taking chemistry and all of them had an 'A' so far.

These four friends were so confident that, the weekend before finals, they decided to visit some friends and have a big party. They had a great time but after all the hearty partying they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Penn State until early Monday morning.
Rather than taking the final then, they decided that after the final they would explain to their professor why they missed it. They said that they visited friends but on the way back they had a flat tire. As a result, they missed the final. The professor agreed they could make up the final the next day. The guys were excited and relieved. They studied that night for the exam.
The next day the Professor placed them in separate rooms and gave them a test booklet. They quickly answered the first problem worth 5 points. Cool, they thought!  Each one in separate rooms, thinking this was going to be easy... then they turned the page. On the second page was written...

For 95 points:

Which tire? ________

Have a great Hump-Day!

220 - Star Trek, Graduation and more...

My son's graduation from UCONN went smoothly, though there were 900 graduates just from the Liberal Arts & Sciences section alone! My son looked great, and here's a picture of him in front of Agustus Storrs Hall:

 

(Click on picture to 'embiggen')

He had a great day and 2 of his closest friends came to see him graduate. Afterwards, his friends came back to our house for a small cookout and we all had a lot of great food and laughs.

It's amazing how fast our kids grow up... I look at him today, and I wonder what happened to that little kid that liked skateboards and bicycles.

**Star Trek Spoiler Ahead! Scroll down to the line with many ***'s to get past**

Friday night, my friend Dave, TJ and I went to see the new Star Trek movie. I want to first say, the movie will be enjoyed by people even if they don't like any of the TV Star Trek's. I was pleasantly surprised at the acting, the action and most of the casting. All in all, I give it a 5 out of 5 stars.

My ups and downs with the film:

1. Couldn't they have dyed Chekov's hair black (and straightened it out)? It would have cost pennies, and we're so used to seeing him with jet black, straight hair.

2. Uhuru and Spock? This was such an awful plot addition (and unneeded too) , I almost took a star away for it.

3. I loved the person who played Dr. McCoy. Fantastic choice of person, incredible dialogue that I could just picture coming from him.

4. Knowing Kirk the way us serious trek fans do, the last scene where Kirk got accolades from the Star Fleet Council, I believe he would have made sure his crew got the well deserved credit.

Lastly, because I read the book Final Frontier by Diane Carey, in which it tells the story of Jim Kirk's dad, and the Enterprise when Jim Kirk was still in grade school, I don't like what they did with Kirk's father, and how the Enterprise came to be. I very, very highly recommend the book.

Even with all this, I still think it was a great movie.

*****************************************************************************

And now, for a funny:

Curiosity gets the Priest

A priest, in urgent need to use the bathroom, walks into a local bar. The bar is jumping with loud music and lively conversation, but every few minutes the lights abruptly go off. Every time the lights go off, the bar crowd bursts into loud whoops and applause, but when they see the priest enter the bar, the place becomes absolutely quiet.

The priest walks over to the bartender and asks, "Can you please tell me where your bathroom is?"

"Sure, but I have to tell you, father, there's a statue of a naked woman in it and she?s wearing only a fig leaf."

"No problem, I'll just avert my eyes, then," Said the priest.

The bartender then shows the priest to the far side of the bar where the bathroom is located. After a short while, the priest comes out of the bathroom and the bar crowd pauses only long enough to give him a rousing cheer. Perplexed he goes over to the bartender and asks, I'm puzzled. Why did they cheer for me as I came out of the bathroom just now?"

"Well, father, it's because your curiosity has made you human and likeable, just like us," said the bartender. "May I pour you a drink?"

"No thanks you, but, I'm still puzzled," said the priest.

"You see, father," chuckles the bartender, "every time somebody moves the fig leaf on the naked woman statue, the bar lights go off. Now, what do you say to that drink?"

Have a great Monday!

219 - Star Trek'n

Yep, Thursday Star Trek came out, and Friday a couple of friends and I will be going to see it. I already bought my tickets on Fandango, so I won't have to stand in line. I'll report on it on Monday.

For some reason, I've been real tired this week. Last night, I was in bed around 9:30pm, and each night I've been falling asleep within minutes. Not sure if I'm run down or what, but hopefully I'll be able to sleep in on Saturday.

Saturday night, we're going out with 2 other couples to my favorite restaurant, Chatterleys. I'm really looking forward to it.

I'm getting pretty excited about the cruise now.. there's about 14 days till I'm on vacation, and 16 till the cruise!

This weekend, my son will graduate from the University of Connecticut with a bachelors degree in English!

Other than that, not too much else new, so I'll leave you with a funny (does anyone read them?):

AFFAIRS

A The 1st Affair

A married man was having an affair with his secretary.

One day they went to her place and made love all afternoon.

Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM.

The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.

He put on his shoes and drove home.

'Where have you been?' his wife demanded.

'I can't lie to you,' he replied,

'I'm having an affair with my secretary.
We had sex all afternoon.'

She looked down at his shoes and said:

'You lying bastard!
You've been playing golf!'

The 2nd Affair

A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son.

They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.

The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.

The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.

He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.

He told his wife: 'There's no way I can be the father of this baby.
Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!
Have you been fooling around behind my back?'

The wife smiled sweetly and replied:
'No, not this time!'

The 3rd Affair

A mortician was working late one night.

He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made a startling discovery...
Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever seen!

'I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz,' the mortician commented, 'I can't allow you to be cremated
with such an impressive private part.
It must be saved for posterity.'

So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home.

'I have something to show you won't believe,' he said to his wife, opening his briefcase.

'My God!' the wife exclaimed,
'Schwartz is dead!'

The 4th Affair

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door.

'Hurry,' she said, 'stand in the corner.'

She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder.

'Don't move until I tell you,' she said. 'Pretend you're a statue.'

'What's this?' the husband inquired as he entered the room.
'Oh it's a statue,' she replied.
'The Smiths bought one and I liked it so I got one for us, too.'

No more was said, not even when they went to bed.

Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned
with a sandwich and a beer.

'Here,' he said to the statue, have this. I stood like that for two days at the Smiths
and nobody offered me a damned thing.'

The 5th Affair

A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.

'Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent.'

'One Cent?' the man exclaimed.

He glanced at the menu and asked:
'How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?'

'A nickel,' the barman replied.

'A nickel?' exclaimed the man.
'Where's the guy who owns this place?'

The bartender replied:
'Upstairs, with my wife.'

The man asked: 'What's he doing upstairs with your wife?'

The bartender replied:
'The same thing I'm doing to his business down here.'

The 6th & Best Affair

Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.

He looked up and said weakly:
'I have something I must confess..'

'There's no need to, 'his wife replied.

'No,' he insisted, 'I want to die in peace.
I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!'

'I know,' she replied.
'Now just rest and let the poison work.'

Have a great weekend all!

218 - My Week for Ranting

Boy, I hope I never have to live this week over again. Since Saturday, with the problems with Comcast and my phone/Internet, a problem we had at our cruise night that severely upset me, and my dealings with Dell this week.... it's just been maddening, and it's only Wednesday! Oh, and I believe I may have found someone at Dell to help with my daughter's notebook PC.

Hopefully, the problem with my Internet is finally solved. So far, it is.. but I've learned never to get my hopes up too soon.

So, is anyone out there excited about the new Star Trek movie coming out Friday?? I know I am. Hopefully I haven't gone completely mad by then *chuckling*.

I was very sad to hear Dom DeLuise passed away today. I loved his humor, and I'll best remember him in Cannonball Run II as Captain Chaos!

Now for some very good funnies:

Funny newspaper articles (my favorite is the one about a Swanson chicken pot pie running east on Clay Street!)

A lawyer appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.
'Have you ever done anything of particular merit?' St. Peter asked.
'Well, I can think of one thing,' the lawyer offered.
'On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota , I came upon a gang of bikers, who were threatening a young woman.
I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen.
So, I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker and smacked him in his face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground.
I yelled, 'Now, back off!! Or I'll kick the sh*t out of all of you!'
St. Peter was impressed  so he asked, 'When did this happen?'
'Ummmmmm...........just a couple of minutes ago!'

Have a wonderful Hump-Day!

217 – Comcast is on my **** list!

After being without phone and internet for almost the whole weekend, I’m very ticked at Comcast. I actually spent more time on the phone with them, than with my wife. They even sent a technician on Sunday, who didn’t want to diagnose the problem, all he did was want to swap out the modem, and when that was still not working right, he got it to work at the barely minimum and bolted for the door. An hour later, it was all down again. They’re coming again to my house today after I called at 9pm and went 3 supervisors up to get some results. I never got off the phone till after 10pm.

Well, our car club’s first car show of the season was a complete success! Below is a picture of just some of the cars that showed up.

 

We’re at a new location which puts the cars in a much nicer area, people were having a ball and the weather was just perfect. (you can see my bright yellow Vette just to the right)

I still have my fingers crossed that our cruise will be allowed to stop in Mexico. The news this morning said the illness was now waning in that country. We could only hope.

Well, my daughter’s new PC started messing up again. She’s going to ask for a refund from Dell, but I have no idea what’ll happen. I’ll help fight for her if needed.

Well, I have to run quick, talk to you all soon!

216 - Caution! Weekend Ahead!

Well, this weekend is our auto club's first cruise night. Hopefully the weather will be nice and we'll have a lot of cars. I'll try to get some pictures over the weekend.

The last 2 days have been pretty cool, relative to last weekend's weather. 60's to barely 70 this week. Again, hoping for some 70+ action this weekend.

I may go to a computer show this weekend and pick up a new very inexpensive PC for running MS Home Server on. We'll see what happens. Did I mention, I went to a show last week and bought a pair of noise-canceling headphones? I'd been wanting some for airplane rides where the engine noise groans loudly. I'll get to try them out on the next rip coming up.

I'm getting so tired of hearing the two words "swine flu".. it's just driving me nuts. They announce every day there's 5 people in CT down with it, then the next day they say no, it was normal flu, and they find 5 more. I think the news media just loves bad news.

Well, on to something funny for you:

Subject: Taking Dad Shopping
I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes (he is 84).
We decided to grab a bite at the food court.  I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him. 
The teenager had spiked hair in all different colours; green, red, orange and blue. 
My dad kept staring at him. 
The teenager would look and find him staring every time. 
When the teenager had enough, he sarcastically asked: “ What’s the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?”
Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on his response; knowing that he would have a good one.
And in classic style he did not bat an eye in his response:
“Got stoned once and screwed a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son”

Have a great weekend all!