385 – You CAN Go Home Again!

Sorry for the break in my Europe story, but I had a pretty unique experience
this weekend I wanted to share with you all.

I grew up in Bristol, Connecticut and until I was 20, I lived in the same
house on Pleasant St. It was my grandmother's house, and it was a 2 family
house that was old, but I never knew exactly how old. Let's just say, the
foundation was stone, not concrete. 

Well, Saturday, I happened to be driving up the street where my old house
was (it's a one-way street too), and I saw the owner outside shining up his
motorcycle.

I took a chance, stopped, and asked if he indeed owned the house, and he
said yes. I told him, I used to live here, grew up here from 1956 through
1976, and it brought back many memories. He asked me if I wanted to see
inside, and I jumped at the chance!

We walked in through a door that was never there when I lived there, into
what used to be my grandmothers house. He had made some changes to the
house, but quite honestly, they were all in impeccable taste. The wide, very
detailed moldings around every door and window were perfectly refinished,
and painted in very old-time colors. He mentioned to me that the house was
built in 1888, and I almost fainted! I told him stories of me sneaking up
from the cellar/basement to steal homemade coffee cake that my grandmother
made and kept in a cabinet that,... wow, was still there! The original
cabinets were still there, though refinished. I felt like I was 10 years old
again.

We couldn't go upstairs where my parents, brother and I lived, as his
daughter lived up there and it was still morning, but we went down into the
basement where at one time, we had a pool table, ping-pong table and lots of
good times with our friends.

He showed me the chalk looking writing on one wall that said "I was here",
and I recognized it as MY handwriting! I can actually remember writing it
too....

He then led me out on to the front porch where he had just sanded, and
marine varnished the whole thing. It was a large porch, overlooking the
street where we lived, and I can remember many a beautiful day rocking in an
old rocking chair on that porch.

I left him at this point as I didn't want to keep him, but thanked him
profusely, and telling him how happy I was that the house was being take
care of by someone as discriminating as him.

Thanks for allowing me to take you back in time with me... to my childhood
home.

I, went home again.

Have a wonderful Monday all!

384 - My First Trip to Europe III

I was probably the most nervous person on Earth that Saturday night. I could barely sleep worrying about going to Europe for 2 weeks. Would things be ok at home? My wife would have to look after the 2 kids on her own for the first time. Luckily, they were old enough (Daughter 17, son 14) that they weren’t going to be too hard to deal with. I wasn’t even sure how to call back to the US to talk to her. It was all happening so fast.

Sunday, my wife and kids drove me to the bus station for my shuttle ride to New York’s JFK airport. Again, things were such a blur, I couldn’t focus.

Boarding the 5:30pm flight from JFK to Charles De Gaulle, my worry started to turn to excitement. I used my brand spanky new passport to go through security chuckling to myself in the trouble just getting it. I was now asking myself, “What would Europe be like? Would there be a problem in communications because of the language differences.”  One other thing I thought of, that today, sounds completely stupid. I wondered if, when I was in Germany, if the Germans held any grudge against Americans after WWII. It was an odd thing to think, but more on that later. The 8+ hour flight went uneventful, and I got some much needed sleep.

Arrival in Paris was smooth, but I wasn’t expecting the sea of humanity when I stepped off the plane! Remember, at this time people were allowed into the terminals to wait for their friends/loved ones. I remember thinking… “Oh my GOD… how will I ever find Bernd in this sea of people!”  I stood on my tiptoes looking as long and far as I could, but no Bernd. Was he at the right gate? Was I at the right gate? Was I on my own?

More Monday.. on to something funny!

Some Assembly And Intelligence Required

HOME IMPROVEMENT STORE | OTTAWA, ON, CANADA

Me: “Hello, thanks for calling [home improvement store]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, I just had my shed delivered this morning and you people sent me the wrong size.”

Me: “Okay, just let me pull up your order here and see what may have gone wrong.”

Customer: “I don’t know how you people could have messed this up, I clearly ordered a 6×6 shed and I just measured the one you delivered and its clearly only 4×6.”

Me: “Okay, sir. Well, the type of shed we delivered only comes in a 6×6 model. Did you happen to have any parts left over when you finished building it?”

Customer: “Oh, well I haven’t actually built it yet. But I’ve measured the crate it comes in and it only measure 4×6.”

Me: “Sir, what does the label on the crate say?”

Customer: “It says 6×6. But I measured it and it’s only 4×6!”

If You Build It, They Will Come Early

GAS STATION | PENNSYLVANIA, USA

(I am working on a new gas station still under construction. Please note that the station is still nothing but a concrete building and new pumps. The gas signs read ‘00.00’.”)

(A customer pulls up in a car and sits there for ten minutes. She then lays on the horn. I go over to her, and she looks extremely annoyed.)

Me: “Do you need some help, ma’am?”

Customer: “Finally! Yes, I want my free gas!”

Me: *puzzled* “Free gas?”

Customer: *ridiculous sigh and rolling eyes* “Yes! The sign says zero dollars, so the gas must be free! You have to give me some or I’ll sue for false advertising!”

Me: “Ma’am, we’re not even open yet. We haven’t even finished the roof on the building, we don’t have gas yet. See all the construction stuff?”

Customer: “Well there’s a sign! It says gas for zero dollars and I want my gas for zero dollars! Now!”

Me: “Again ma’am, I’m sorry but there is no gas at this station. We’re still building it, we’re not open. Those gas pumps aren’t even hooked up yet.”

Customer: “Well that’s completely unacceptable! You shouldn’t put signs up before you’re open!”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, we’re still building it.”

Customer: *screaming* Well you shouldn’t build it until you’re open! Idiot!”

Have a wonderful weekend all!

383 - My First Trip to Europe II

The rest of that day, I spent going to the Fodors website (travel people) learning as much as I could about these countries before going. Of main importance were the big ones (Please, Thank you, One Beer Please, and Where’s the bathroom!).

In speaking to Bernd, it sounded like he was to be with me through my complete European tour, which was good for me because being my first time, I was quite intimidated just thinking of being left somewhere on my own.

Friday I spent at the Passport office, which is about 50 miles from my house and work. It would have been worthless to go back to work after bringing the paperwork as I would have had to turn around and go right back down. I arrived at 7:30am when they opened, handed in my paperwork and photos and began the long wait. I walked around a mall nearby, had lunch, read a few magazines.. *yawn* and at 4:30pm, they brought out the passports. Of course, they handed mine out last. I looked at my photo, and then looked closer. There was a long, black hair right across my face. The passport agent saw me looking as I tried to slip the hair out of the lamination, then asked me to see it. After looking at it for 10 seconds, she tore my passport in half saying it was no good. I almost fainted. She told me that’s why they have the second photo, and she’d be right back. At 5:10pm, she came out with it and I didn’t even bother to look at it as I ran out the door.

Saturday, I was shopping for things for the trip. Power adapters, a book to read for the flight, snacks, toiletries.

Sunday, visiting mom and dad, letting them know where I was going and how I’d stay in touch. Sunday afternoon, I boarded a bus heading to New Yorks JFK Airport for my 5pm flight to Charles de Gaulle airport.

More Friday… on to something funny:

Can’t Take The Heat Of A Melting Pot

RETAIL | TROIS-RIVIÈRES, QC, CANADA

Coworker: “Hello sir, are you looking for something?”

Customer: “I refuse to be helped by you. You’re Chinese. You’re another one of these darn immigrants stealing the honest Canadian’s jobs!”

Coworker: “Well, my grandmother is from Japan, but I assure you I was born in the province of Quebec.”

Customer: “Lies, lies and lies!” *spots me* “Finally, a prime example of our good Canadian youth. Young sir, can you help me please?”

Me: *in my New Brunswick accent* “Sure I can. What are you looking for?”

Customer: “What kind of accent is this? Are you German? Or Russian? Get me the manager! I don’t understand how a sane person could hire these instead of a hard working Canadian!”

Me: *grabbing the phone* “Calling Maria to front desk.”

Customer: “Maria!? That’s Latino!”

Read Her Lips

SUPERMARKET | BRISBANE, AUSTRALIA

(I am scanning a customer’s order when I notice she is buying a $30 lip-gloss that is also being given away with a magazine).

Me: "Miss, if you’d like to buy [magazine] for $7.20, you get this exact lip-gloss free inside."

Customer: "But I don’t want the magazine. I just want the lip-gloss."

Me: "I understand, but even if you give the magazine away, you still get the lip-gloss for $7.20 and save $22.80."

Customer: "Do I look like a charity? I’m not going to give away a $7 magazine. Haven’t you heard of saving money?"

Me: "Well yes, what I’m saying is you can save money by buying the magazine–"

Customer: "Stop trying to rip me off and scan my lip-gloss!"

(I ring up her lip-gloss for $30 and she storms off. The next customer puts the same magazine on the counter.)

Next Customer: "I don’t want it either, but I have half a brain."

Have a great Hump-Day!

382 – My First Trip to Europe I

It was back in April of 1998, and the company I worked for was very worried about the Y2K problem that had everyone scrambling like bugs at a picnic. It never occurred to me that my services might be needed elsewhere.

On a Thursday morning, I was called into my bosses (Gary’s) office, where a bigger boss (John)  was with him and they asked me if I had a passport.

Now, back then, I had only ever been to Canada, and we never needed a passport for that so I replied in the negative. I was told the in house travel agency would cut me some fake tickets so I could get my passport the next day (Friday), and that I would leave Sunday for 2 weeks in Europe to do some Y2K upgrades to our servers and PC’s. It felt like I had been hit in the gut with a baseball bat. I had no idea what to think. I vaguely remember John telling me that while in Europe, and off company time, to do whatever I wanted to do, and money was no object. He also said he’d meet me a few days into my trip there. I would be travelling to our large office in Paris, a smaller office in Douee (sp) France, our engineering office in Ubach Palenberg Germany, a sales office in Stuttgart, and a sales office in Milan Italy. My mind was reeling already.

I quickly called my wife who was very excited for me. Then, I started to get all the things I would need for the upgrades, which wasn’t hard as I had them all in a folder from doing them in work there. I was given the name of the contact that would pick me up at the airport in Paris (Bernd), and his number, and I called him to ask him the particulars of where to meet.. etc. Basically, he said he’d meet me right when I got off the plane, and he’d be holding a company catalog over his head and waving it around.

More to come, now for something funny:

Ooooooooh Dear

GROCERY STORE | FORT KENT, MN, USA

(I am stocking shelves, a customer comes up asking for assistance to find an item.)

Customer: “I need to find some Eight O’s corn.”

Me: “I’m not familiar with that brand, ma’am, but I will do my best to help. Are you looking for corn that is fresh, frozen or canned?”

Customer: “How am I supposed to know that? It’s Eight O’s corn!”

Me:  “Well, is it cold?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Me: “It is probably in our frozen section, then. Let’s go take a look.”

(After pointing out our selection of frozen corn, she picks up a bag of store brand frozen corn excitedly.)

Customer: “This is it! Eight O’s!”

(I look at the item and see she has picked up an 8 oz. bag).

Wrong Kind Of TV Package

RETAIL | CALIFORNIA, USA

(A fairly regular customer, known for asking lots of questions about merchandise he had no intent of buying, wanders in to the electronic department.)

Customer: “What’s this?”

Me: “It lets you browse the internet on your TV instead of requiring a computer.”

Customer: *excited* “Really? Wow!”

Me: “Yep, and if you buy the optional keyboard, you can even use mit for email.”

Customer: “Email? I’ve heard a lot about that. What is it, exactly?”

Me: “Well, it’s kind of like regular mail. You type up a letter and send it off,
except it gets there instantly and there’s no postage.”

Customer: “Really? Wow! Does it do packages?”

Have a wonderful Monday all..!

381 – No-Plan Weekend!

For once, we have a weekend with pretty much no plans. Seems odd since we’ve been busy every weekend for months it seems.

Well, I should say I may get my birthday cake this weekend.. but we’ll see! *S*

I was mentioning to a friend yesterday, that I had lots of interesting things happen to me on my first trip to Europe back in 1998, so I think I’ll try to make them into blog posts coming soon.

Has anyone seen this article about a new, hottest pepper on earth? It's the Dorset Naga pepper, and at a 1.6 Million Scoville rating, it’s mind numblingly hot!

Not much else this morning, so on to something funny:

Swords On A Plane

AIRPORT | SALT LAKE CITY, UT, USA

(A man going through security is stopped when the x-ray reveals that he has a full-length sword in his carry on luggage.)

Me: “Sir, what are you doing with this sword?”

Customer: “It’s a souvenir. It’s not even sharp.”

Me: “This can in no way go on board a plane.”

Customer: “But it’s not even sharp!”

Me: “You’re going to need to come with me. Anything like this, whether it’s a souvenir or not, should have been placed in your checked luggage.”

Customer: “I don’t believe this! It’s not a real sword! And it’s not even sharp?! Do I look stupid to you?”

Me: “You look like a person trying to bring a sword onto a plane.”

Yukon Freeze It

CALL CENTER | KELOWNA, BC, CANADA

Me: “Thank you for calling [Cell Phone Company] customer service. How can I help you?”

Caller: “You sound different. Where are you from?”

Me: “Canada. Is there something I can help you with?”

Caller: “Canada? How big is the igloo you work in?”

Me: “Sir, we don’t live in igloos. In fact, it’s about 40˚ here at the moment.”

Caller: “40˚ is freezing!”

Me: “40˚ Celsius. That’s 104˚ Fahrenheit.”

Caller: “Oh my god, how do you keep your igloos from melting?!”

 

Have a wonderful weekend all!

380 – Happy Birthday to Me!

Yep, today’s my birthday once again. One year older, and lets hope wiser. Thanks to all of you who have sent me messages in one place or another *S*. Tonight, we go to my friend Dave’s house for his daughter’s birthday party (she’s my Godchild), born on the same day as me!

My wife finally picked out some flooring for our kitchen, some wonderful looking dark oak wood flooring. Now, we have to get our friend/builder to install it. It’ll look outstanding when done. Next, we need to pick out and buy a new kitchen range.

Not much else going on, so on to something funny:

Darkest Africa

TRAVEL AGENCY | LONDON, UK

(At my travel agency, the wall behind my desk has a very large world map. I happen to be sitting in front of Africa. A customer seats herself at my desk.)

Me: “Good morning, and where are you thinking of going?”

Customer: “Well I was thinking of–” *customers eyes widen as they glance at the map behind me*

Me: “Is everything alright?”

Customer: “Your map! Take it down! It’s been vandalized by racists!”

Me: “It has? Where?”

Customer: *pointing* “Right there! In the middle of Africa of all places!”

(The customer is pointing at the large West African country ‘Niger’.)

Me: “Ah, well that’s actually the name of the country. It’s not a racist term.”

Customer: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Positive. We actually offer a safari in West Africa if you’re interested?”

Customer: “Oh, no thanks. I already have somewhere I’d like to go to.”

Me: “Excellent! And where is that?”

Customer: “Montenegro.”
(Seems stupidity is everywhere!)

Peppering The Truth With Lies

COFFEE SHOP | HINTON, WV, USA

Customer: “Can I get a peppermint tea please?”

Me: “Okay, what size of mint tea would you like?”

Customer: “I want a large and I want a peppermint tea. Not a mint tea.”

Me: “They are both the same thing.”

Customer: “No they aren’t! Peppermint tea has pepper in it!”

Have a great day all!

379 – Rainy Monday

For the first time in a long time, it’s raining pretty good this morning. I don’t think we’ve had any appreciable rain in months.

Well, it’s the week of my birth! *S* I’m getting old.

Mark, yes, we’re long timers it seems!

Derek, I don’t live in that neighborhood.. I’m probably around 20 miles from Hartford.

Peter, I had no idea most of them were Jewish myself!

This year is our town’s 225’th anniversary, and they had some fireworks last night that I was able to catch some of on my digital camera! (it’s 14mb in size, so it may take a bit to load)

 

This was only 20 seconds of them, but they went on for the better part of an hour last night. They were easily viewed from my front porch.

It was a nice weekend, as we went out to dinner both Friday and Saturday nights for my birthday, but with different friends each time. Friday, it was with our friend John B from our wine club who’s a very wonderful friend, and we had a great time, then Saturday night, with our friends Ray and Debbie at my favorite restaurant! *S*

Well, on to something funny:

Never Judge A DVD By Its Cover

VIDEO RENTAL | USA

Customer: “Hey, what movie did that other customer just turn in?”

Me: “Book of Eli. Would you like to rent it?”

Customer: “A book? No, I don’t want no book. I hate reading!”

Me: “No, I’m sorry. Book of Eli is the title of the movie.”

Customer: “I don’t like books.”

Customer’s friend: “It’s not a book, it’s a movie.”

Customer: “Well, I bet it’s based on a book, and I hate books!”

Rectify The Situation

PHARMACY | UK

Customer: “Hi there, do you sell rectums?”

Me: “I’m sorry, what?”

Customer: “Rectums. I need a rectum. do you sell them?”

Me: “Why do you need it?”

Customer: “I have some tablets here and it says ‘insert via rectum’ and as I don’t have one, I thought I better buy one.”

Me: “I think I better call the pharmacist in.”

(I call the pharmacist in who explains to the man exactly what a rectum is. He leaves red faced.)

 

Have a wonderful Monday all…!

378 – Random Thoughts

What the heck is going on in the world…

We had a shooting here in the Hartford area last week where in a piece of workplace violence, a just-fired worker killed 8 people at a beer distributer.

We have this idiot who quits his job on the airplane and leaves via the emergency exit slide.

We’ve got a man arrested for knifing 18 people!

I need some good news…. (oh, here’s some… it’s almost the WEEKEND!)

I’ve been so busy this week, I haven’t even had time to breathe correctly it seems. Hopefully this weekend I can take it easy (though I doubt it).

Next week, my birthday arrives… I’m starting to dread them now, versus looking forward to them.

On to something funny from my friend Mike H: (keep in mind he’s of the Jewish faith)

Those fabulous Jewish Comedians

You may remember  the old Jewish Catskill comics of Vaudeville days: 

Shecky Greene, Red Buttons, Totie  Fields,  Joey Bishop, Milton Berle, Jan Murray, Danny Kaye,  Henny Youngman, Buddy Hackett, Sid Caesar, Groucho Marx, Jackie Mason,Victor Borge, Woody Allen, Joan Rivers, Lenny Bruce, George Burns, Allan Sherman, Jerry Lewis, Peter Sellers, Carl Reiner, Shelley Berman,  Gene Wilder, George Jessel, Alan  King, Mel  Brooks, Phil Silvers, Jack Carter, Rodney Dangerfield, Don Rickles, Jack Benny and so many others.
And there was not one single swear word in their comedy. Here are a few examples:

* I just got  back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the  airport.

*  I've been in love with the same woman for 49 years! If my wife ever  finds out, she'll kill me!

* What are three words a woman never wants to hear when she's making love? "Honey, I'm home!"

*Someone stole all my credit cards but I won't be reporting it. The  thief spends less than my wife  did.

* We always hold hands. If I let go, she  shops. 

* My wife and I went back to the hotel where we  spent our wedding  night; only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.

* My  wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea .

* She was at the beauty shop for two hours. That was  only for the  estimate. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud  fell off.

*  The Doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill so the doctor gave him another six months.

* The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, "Mrs. Cohen, your check came  back. " Mrs. Cohen answered,  "So did my arthritis!"

* Doctor: "You'll live to be 60!" 
Patient: "I am 60!" Doctor: "See!  What did I tell you?"

*  Patient: "I have a ringing in my ears."  
Doctor: "Don't answer!"

* A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says,  "You've been  brought here  for drinking."  
The drunk says "Okay, let's get started."

* Why  do Jewish divorces cost so much?
They're worth it.

The  Harvard School of Medicine did a study of why Jewish women like  Chinese food so much.
The study  revealed that this is due to the fact that Won Ton spelled backward is Not Now.

There is a big controversy on the Jewish  view of when life begins.  In Jewish tradition, the fetus  is not considered viable until it graduates from medical school.

Q: Why don't Jewish mothers drink?
A: Alcohol interferes with their suffering.

Q: Why do Jewish mothers make great parole  officers?
A: They never let anyone finish a sentence!

A man called his mother in Florida ,  "Mom, how are you?"
" Not too good," said the mother. "I've  been very weak."
The son said, "Why are you so weak?" She said,  "Because I haven't eaten in 38 days."
The son said, "That's terrible.
Why  haven't you eaten in 38 days?"
The mother answered,  "Because I didn't want my mouth to be filled with food if you should call."

A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother he has a part in the play. She asks,  "What part is it?"
The boy says, "I play the part of the Jewish husband." 
"The mother scowls and says, "Go back and tell the teacher you want a  speaking part."

Q: How many Jewish mothers does it take to  change a light bulb?
  A: (Sigh) "Don't bother. I'll sit in the dark. I don't want to be a nuisance to anybody."

Q: What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a Jewish mother? 
A: Eventually, the Rottweiler lets go.

Q: Why are Jewish men circumcised?
A: Because Jewish women don't like anything that Isn't 20%  off.

Have a great weekend all!

377 – Wordless Wednesday – Mexico @ Night

(Click on picture to ‘embiggen’)

376 – Only 102 Days Till Vacation (again)!

Yep, our big 11 night cruise is in 102 days. Seems a very long time away, but it’ll be here before I know it.

Friday night, I took the Vette over to the local Girls Club where our club was doing a very small show (around 9 cars) for the kids before they did an outdoors movie! We left before the movie started (Mary Poppins) but the kids were having a ball. The evening was nice and warm, and people brought their own chairs and blankets to lie on to watch the movie.

Saturday night was our normal cruise night for the auto club, and it was a gorgeous night so we were overflowing with gorgeous cars. Seems everyone senses the end of summer coming, so they’re getting in every minute they can with their nice cars. (me included)

Oscar winning actress Patricia Neal passed on this weekend. She was in one of my favorite movies of all time, “The Day the Earth Stood Still” back in 1951. It was a black and white classic Science Fiction movie.

Not much else new, so on to something funny:

Wild Accusations

CALL CENTER | ASHEVILLE, NC, USA

Customer: “I keep seeing a charge for $9.99 on my account. Why do you people keep charging me $9.99?”

Me: “Sir, that charge is coming not from us, but from GGW.”

Customer: “What the h*** is GGW? People are stealing my money and you do nothing! So what the h*** is GGW?”

(I have seen the charge for GGW before. I usually just use the abbreviation to spare the customer.))

Me: “Sir, GGW stands for Girls Gone–”

Customer: “Oh yeah. Never mind I remember now…uh…bye.”*click*

Magic Ink

GRAPHIC DESIGN | FRANCE

(A client comes for her journalist portfolio. She shows me a picture of an architect in front of his building model, showing his back to the camera.)

Customer: “So, you see, I’d like you to flip this picture.”

Me: “Okay, that’s very simple.”

Customer: “Great ! This will be awesome. I want him to face the camera.”

Me: “If I flip the picture, it will be all the same, but the guy will be on the left instead of the right, that’s it.”

Customer: “You can’t make him face us? You call yourself a professional?”

Have a great Monday all!

375 – Where do the days go?

It’s amazing, between work and home, I’ve been so busy lately, that the days are absolutely flying by. Before I know it, it’ll be Winter (shudder).

Tonight, the local Girls Club is having a “60’s-70’s" Sock Hop and Movie” in their parking lot (showing the movie outdoors) and before it, our car club is having a small showing with about 5 or 6 cars there (mine included). I think it’s a great thing for the kids so I never mind doing things like this.

Saturday, the wife and I are going to buy a new stove as ours is finally dying (it’s 28+ years old). She still can’t decide what color she wants.

Other than that, not much new.. so on to something funny:

More support blunders:

The Only Thing It Swallowed Was Her Pride

GROCERY STORE | ST. AUGUSTINE, FL, USA

Customer: “Oh miss, I have a problem.”

Me: “What can I help you with?”

Customer: “The ATM took my card. It says here though that its invalid, and my card is out of date, so maybe that’s why.”

(I get the keys to the ATM and open it up.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but your card is not in there. Are you sure it took it?”

Customer: “No, it did, it did! *pulls out an ATM card* “It looks like this! Oh wait…this is my card. Never mind.”

When Requests Have Both A Positive And A Negative Side

CAFE | MANCHESTER, CT, USA

(The power has gone out in the cafe.)

Customer: “I’d like a soda, please.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but since the power is out, we can only sell bakery products from the window.”

Customer: “Oh, that’s okay. I only wanted to use the wi-fi, anyway.”

(He sits in the corner, but comes back a few minutes later.)

Customer: “The wi-fi seems to be down. Could you reset it?”

Me: “No. sir. The power is out, so the wi-fi won’t work until it comes back on.”

Customer: “Don’t you have batteries for it?”

Download A Brain While You’re At It

TECH SUPPORT | CARDIFF, WALES, UK

Me: “So you want me to hook up this computer to the internet?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Okay! First thing’s first: where’s the modem or router so I can connect the computer to the net?”

Customer: “I don’t have one.”

Me: “You don’t have one?”

Customer: “I thought you could download a modem off the internet for me.”

Have a wonderful weekend all!

374 – Wordless Wednesday – Riviera Maya Beach

(Click on the picture to ‘embiggen’)

373 – Another Monday

G’morning everyone.

The complete pictures of my trip to Mexico is now up on Facebook, so if you are a friend there, check them out!

I had a pretty busy weekend, as we went out to look for some wood flooring for our kitchen, then did some lawn work at home, then out to our car club’s cruise night on Saturday, then Sunday, went to see Mom like we always do, then out to do some shopping at a specialty food store not far away for some great steaks they had on sale.

Got home and started watching a TV show called Meteorite Men, about two guys that go out hunting meteorite fragments. It’s on the Science Channel, and it’s real interesting to both me and my wife. Their website is here. I can’t believe how much these things are worth! Also, they found one with the gemstone Peridot in it, that was gorgeous!

Other than that, just the normal stuff going on.. so on to something funny from my dear friend michelle:

Truths For Mature Humans

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

22. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

23. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!

24. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.

Have a great Monday all…!