449 – Just Another Monday

Well, our car shopping seems to have come to a standstill as my wife is considering keeping her existing car. She is the only person I know and have known that doesn’t get excited looking for a new car. I can’t figure it out.

Other than that, Mom’s still doing the same, still in the nursing facility. She seems to get well for weeks, then when we start doubting having her in there, she takes a big fall and reminds us why she’s there. I was there one morning while they were taking her blood pressure, and noticed it was 102 over 42. I was…. FOURTY TWO?? No wonder she falls. She stands up, gets dizzy and falls. And she’s on high blood pressure medication! Keep in mind, she’s lost over 40 pounds in there by now too. When I asked the doctor to take her off or lower the blood pressure meds, he steadfastly refused. The nurses there, all got together, had a meeting, and decided she needs to change doctors which we all approved of and the new doctor took her off one medicine and now she’s more like 116 over 65 which makes me a lot happier. Got to watch them like a hawk I guess…

On to something funny:

I was sitting in the waiting room of the hospital after my wife had gone into labour and the nurse walked out and said to the man sitting next to me, "Congratulations sir, you're the new father of twins!"
The man replied, "How about that, I work for the Doublemint Chewing Gum Company." The man then followed the woman to his wife's room.
About an hour later, the same nurse entered the waiting room and announced that Mr. Smith's wife has just had triplets. Mr. Smith stood up and said, "Well, how do ya like that, I work for the 3M Company."
The gentleman that was sitting next to me then got up and started to leave. When I asked him why he was leaving, he remarked, "I think I need a breath of fresh air."
The man continued, "I work for 7-UP."

 

A mother and her daughter were at the gynecologist's office. The mother asked the doctor to examine her daughter. "She has been having some strange symptoms and I'm worried about her," the mother said.
The doctor examined the daughter carefully and then announced, "Madam, I believe your daughter is pregnant."
The mother gasped, "That's nonsense! Why, my little girl has nothing whatsoever to do with men." She turned to the girl. "You don't, do you, dear?"
"No, mumsy," said the girl. "Why, you know that I have never so much as kissed a man!" The doctor looked from mother to daughter, and back again. Then, silently he stood up and walked to the window, staring out.
He continued staring until the mother felt compelled to ask, "Doctor, is there something wrong out there?"
"No, Madam," said the doctor. "It's just that the last time anything like this happened, a star appeared in the East and I was looking to see if another one was going to show up."

 

Have a wonderful Monday all…!

448 – Finally, Friday.

Even with Monday off, it’s been a long week that I’ll be glad to see come to an end.

The rain is pouring down this morning, so hopefully it’ll help melt some of the snow.. but with this rain comes flooding. Luckily, I’m far enough up on a hill that flooding normally isn’t an issue.

We’re in the process of looking for a new car for my wife, something I love, but she hates. Personally, I love beating up on salesmen, pushing for that extra option, dollar off or free oil-change. I pretty much have it down to a science, how to get the best price possible plus some.

The criteria in what we’re looking for is: All Wheel Drive (if possible), less than $25k, easy for her mom to get in and out of, and very good on gas.

The AWD ones we’ve looked at are: Nissan Juke, Nissan Rogue, Toyota RAV4, Toyota Matrix, Kia Sportage, Suzuki Kizashi.

Yet to see are: Honda CRV and Honda Civic (Non AWD).

In that list that we’ve seen is one HUGE surprise vehicle that I fell in love with, but I’ll let you guess.

Well, on to something funny:

The huge college freshman decided to try out for the football team. "Can you tackle?" asked the coach. "Watch this," said the freshman, who proceeded to run smack into a telephone pole, shattering it to splinters. "Wow," said the coach. "I'm impressed. Can you run?"
"Of course I can run," said the freshman. He was off like a shot, and, in just over nine seconds, he had run a hundred yard dash. "Great!" enthused the coach. "But can you pass a football?" The freshman hesitated for a few seconds. "Well, sir," he said, "if I can swallow it, I can probably pass it."

Have a wonderful weekend all!

447 – Wordless Wednesday- Costa Rica Sunset 2005

(Click on picture to ‘embiggen)

446 – Busy Weekend

Well, my weekend started out… not so good.
I was in the shower Friday morning when my wife comes up screaming that there’s water all over the kitchen floor (remember our new, hardwood floor?). I dry off, dress and run down to see the dishwasher is backing up all over the kitchen floor. Turns out we had a clogged drain just before our main in the basement, and it backed up to the lowest point, the dishwasher drain.

After sopping up most of the water, then shop-vac’ing the dishwasher water, I called a drain person at 6:30am and believe it or not, he answered! I fully expected an answering machine or service. We made plans for later in the morning, and I called out of work to wait for the fix.

Suffice it to say, it wasn’t cheap, but he cleaned out the clog (pretty big one) and everything got back to normal by mid-day.

Saturday, we went to get our taxes done, then over to clean out more stuff at my mom’s house.

Sunday, I went to a Daytona 500 Party at a friends house and had a great time.

Monday, I was off for the holiday and spent the whole day with my daughter which was great!

Did I mention, Friday it was 60 degrees out?? Saturday, it was about 20 with 50 mph winds. Go figure.

No time for jokes today… have a great day!

445 – Hump-Day Warmth

Yes, it’s going to warm up today. In the 40’s kinda warm. Friday, we’re looking at the possibility of 60 degrees! Now the fun begins… with standing water everywhere because the storm drains are blocked with ice! *chuckling* Hopefully there won’t be too much flooding.

One type of TV shows my wife and I enjoy watching is things like Ghost Hunters, Ghost Hunters International, or Ghost Lab. One thing I don’t understand though is, they talk to people who allegedly see these things in normally lighted places. My problem comes when they investigate, they turn off all the lights. Completely. What’s that about? Maybe Ghosts are afraid of the dark! *chuckling*
Oh, one more thing…  while watching these shows, both of us tend to fall asleep for some strange reason! Even though we really like the shows. Go figure.

I actually went to start my Vette for the first time last Saturday. I do miss it. Funny thing is, in 99.9% of everything I do, I’m a very impatient person, but when it comes to waiting to take my car out in the Spring, I’m very patient.

On to something funny:

After the Great Britain Beer Festival, in London, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer.

The guy from Corona sits down and says, "Hey Senor, I would like the world's best beer, a Corona." The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.

The guy from Budweiser says, "I'd like the best beer in the world, give me 'The King Of Beers', a Budweiser." The bartender gives him one.

The guy from Coors says, "I'd like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors." He gets it.

The guy from Guinness sits down and says, "Give me a Coke." The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered.

The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask "Why aren't you drinking a Guinness?" and the Guinness president replies, "Well, I figured if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither would I."

Have a wonderful Hump-Day!

444 – Weather Changes

As I stepped out onto my front porch to get my morning news paper, something struck me quite quickly. It was 45 degrees outside!!! At 5:30am! I don’t think I’ve seen it this warm at that time since the Fall. Luckily, a lot of snow will melt today, but tonight we’re going to get another cold snap with temps in the single digits with wind chill. Oh well, a brief respite is good.

Happy Valentines Day to all the ladies out there! *S*

Other than  that, it was a nice, long weekend (I had Friday off) but I was busy every single waking moment it seems. My daughter’s boyfriend had a birthday on Saturday, so we went over to her place for lunch and cake. He’s really a nice guy, and just right for her. *S*

It’s going to be a busy week, so lets get started with a good joke:

Telemarketers suck big time. Here are some proven ways to rid your life of them for good...
1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.

2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems. My arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died . . . "

3. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work if they are married, how many kids they have, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.

4. (This works great if you are male) Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Judy and I'm with XYZ Company. " You: Wait for a second and with a real husky voice ask, "What are you wearing?"

5. Cry out in surprise, "Judy? Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where she could know you from.

6. Say "No" over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.
7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends, would you be my friend?"

8. If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out blood? Can you get out goat blood? How about human blood?"

9. After the Telemarketer gives his or her spiel, ask him or her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you can't just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.

10. If the Telemarketer is selling raffle tickets, tell him or her that you work for the same company, and that employees cannot participate.

11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a Telemarketer, set the receiver down, scream, "OH MY GOD!" and then hang up.
12. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask if he/she will give you their home phone number so you can call him/her back. When the Telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot give out their home numbers say, "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The Telemarketer will agree and you say, "Me either!" and proceed to hang up.

13. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.

14. Tell them it is dinner time, but ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation. For added effect, clanging of cutlery and dishes is recommended.

15. Tell the Telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you some beer.

16. Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.

17. Tell the Telemarketer, "Okay, I'll listen to you. But I should probably tell you, I'm not wearing any clothes."
18. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on, Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"
19. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up... louder... louder!
20. Tell them to talk very slowly, because you want to write every word down.

Have a great Monday!

443 – Wordless Wednesday View from Jimmy Buffets Grand Cayman

(Click on picture to ‘embiggen’)

442 – Just Another Winter Day

Well, after an eventful weekend (no, we won’t go there), we’re going to get some more snow tonight. Seems like a pattern huh!

Luckily, yesterday it got up to 40F, and a lot started melting, but not nearly enough.

It’s going to be an extremely busy week for me this week.. and I’m already stressing out over it. *frown*

The good news is, my back feels about 85% better.

The Super Bowl was a great game, I was rooting for Green Bay. I find it amazing, that Christina Aguilera flubbed the Star Spangled Banner, something she’s been singing since she was 8 years old!

My favorite commercial was this one below. The one here is a longer version of the one on Sunday Night.

 

Well, on to something funny:

Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in. Jacob addresses the man behind the counter:
'Are you the owner?' The pharmacist answers yes.
Says Jacob: 'We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?'
Pharmacist: 'Of course we do.'
Jacob: 'How about medicine for circulation?'
Pharmacist: 'All kinds.'
Jacob: 'Medicine for rheumatism, scoliosis? '
Pharmacist: 'Definitely.'
Jacob: 'How about Viagra?'
Pharmacist: 'Of course.'
Jacob: 'Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, jaundice?'
Pharmacist: 'Yes, a large variety. The works.'
Jacob: 'What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson's disease?'
Pharmacist: 'Absolutely.'
Jacob: 'You sell wheelchairs and walkers?'
Pharmacist: 'All speeds and sizes.'
Jacob says to the pharmacist: 'We'd like to register here for our wedding gifts, please.'

 

Have a great week all!

441 – Even More Snow Coming (I want to move to Florida)

Ok…. it’s time to move South. Way South. Maybe in the Caribbean. I want to be a bartender at a little beach bar in Barbados. I want to sit there and make drinks in sandals, while the tropical breeze slowly moves the palm fronds on the roof of the hut on the beach. I want to listen to people complain about the snow and smile, knowing I’m not there any longer.

I don’t know that I’ve ever wished Winter to end more than this year. It’s just exhausting, and depressing at the same time. If the kids have one more day off of school, they’ll have to start digging into their April vacation.

Click on the picture to the right to see my front yard.

Oh, BTW… that was taken before the latest 12 inches we had! Looks like up to 6 more inches coming tomorrow.

Does anyone have one of those matchbooks that tells you how to be a bartender in 2 weeks? *chuckling*

I guess it’s a good year for the skiers though.. they’ll be skiing until August at this rate! *L*

Lastly, there’s a beautiful picture of Paris on http://www.bing.com today. They talk about the catacombs in the links on the page, which I’ve visited before! It’s such a beautiful city.. I hope to go again soon.

On to something funny:

How to Please Your I.T. Department
01. When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers, bowling trophies and children's art. We don't have a life, and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours.
02. Don't write anything down. Ever. We can play back the error messages from here.
03. When an I.T. person says he's coming right over, go for coffee. That way you won't be there when we need your password. It's nothing for us to remember 700 screen saver passwords.
04. When you call the help desk, state what you want, not what's keeping you from getting it. We don't need to know that you can't get into your mail because your computer won't power on at all.
05. When I.T. support sends you an E-Mail with high importance, delete it at once. We're just testing.
06. When an I.T. person is eating lunch at his desk, walk right in and spill your guts right out. We exist only to serve.
07. Send urgent email all in uppercase. The mail server picks it up and flags it as a rush delivery.
08. When the photocopier doesn't work, call computer support. There's electronics in it.
09. When something's wrong with your home PC, dump it on an I.T. person's chair with no name, no phone number and no description of the problem. We love a puzzle.
10. When an I.T. person tells you that computer screens don't have cartridges in them, argue. We love a good argument.
11. When an I.T. person tells you that he'll be there shortly, reply in a scathing tone of voice: "And just how many weeks do you mean by shortly?" That motivates us.
12. When the printer won't print, re-send the job at least 20 times. Print jobs frequently get sucked into black holes.
13. When the printer still won't print after 20 tries, send the job to all 68 printers in the company. One of them is bound to work.
14. Don't learn the proper term for anything technical. We know exactly what you mean by "My thingy blew up".
15. Don't use on-line help. On-line help is for wimps.

(I especially love #12, happens all the time!)

Have a great weekend all!

440 – Yes, Another Weather Post

It’s hard not to talk about the weather lately. We’ve had the snowiest January in recorded history. The last time we had more snow was during the ice age! When you see people, the first thing one of you say is “What do you think of this weather!”.

Right now, we probably have 3-4 feet of snow in the middle of our yards, but it’s the snow piles on the sides of our driveways, on street corners that make driving hazardous. Snow piles on corners can exceed 9 feet in height. Late Tuesday into Wednesday morning, we had freezing rain, to make things worse. And we’re supposed to get more snow Saturday.

I know my friends Peter and Merle from Australia are having horrible heat waves and Typhones/Cyclones.. and I hope they stay well!

Me, I’ve been home sick with a strained back. This is about as bad as it’s been for me, and very little helps it once it’s this bad. Today, it’s a bit better, but I’m taking muscle relaxants for it.

I think that’s enough for today. On to something funny:

On the Farm:

An aged farmer and his wife were leaning against the edge of their pig-pen when the old woman wistfully recalled that the next week would mark their golden wedding anniversary.

"Let's have a party, Homer," she suggested. "Let's kill a pig."

The farmer scratched his grizzled head. "Gee, Ethel," he finally answered, "I don't see why the pig should take the blame for something that happened fifty years ago."

And Another:

An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy. He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull!" Buddy didn't move. Then the farmer hollered, "Pull, Buster, pull!" Buddy didn't respond. Once more the farmer commanded, "Pull, Coco, pull!" Nothing. Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "Pull, Buddy, pull!" And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch. The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times. "Well... Buddy is blind and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try!"

Have a wonderful day all…!