372 – Mexico Review

The trip to Mexico was great! The resort was surprisingly gorgeous, with manicured grounds that befit a 5 star resort. Our room was extremely clean and newer, and we also had a small balcony with 2 chairs and a table.

At right, is a photo of the resort. Note, when you open the picture, we were staying at the far right resort, the Barcelo Maya Beach. Also note, the beach you see there, is over 2 miles long!

They also have a little train looking shuttle that brings people between resorts.

The resort never gave us a “crowded” feeling, actually the opposite, it was just perfect and there was never a line for anything.

The food and drink here were just great, and at right is the buffet dining area, surrounded by water with fountains! The people were friendly, the food very tasty and hot, and the bartenders very friendly. I tried a Mango Daquiri, and fell in love with them! *chuckling* Every night was a different themed dinner night, and surprisingly, it was always great.

(as usual, click on any picture to ‘embiggen’)

The Beach. As you can see from the photo at right, it was just drop-dead gorgeous. The sand was raked at night, the water was around 90 degrees with small waves, and fish were everywhere! We even saw a stingray one morning!

More at another time… but suffice it to say, we had a great time!

Now to something funny:

Rye Bread

Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on their usual park bench one
morning.
The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of
breath.
The 80 year old was amazed at his friend's stamina and asked him what he did
to have so much energy.
The 87 year old said, "Well, I eat rye bread every day. It keeps your energy
level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies."
So, on the way home, 80 year old stops at the bakery.  As he was looking
around, the lady asked if he needed any help.  He said "Do you have any Rye
bread?"
She said, "Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?"
He said, "I want 5 loaves."
She said, "My goodness, 5 loaves ... by the time you get to the 3rd loaf,
it'll be hard."
He replied, "I can't believe it, everybody knows about this shit but me."

That’s it for today people… have a wonderful weekend!

371 – Home Again

Well, I’m home from my mini-vacation, and had a wonderful time!

Sorry that I don’t have a lot of time this morning, but I just wanted to let you all know that I’m back, and I’ll have more for you very soon.

Dave

370 – A Long Time Ago…

When I was a kid, it seems like all summers were like this one. Hazy, Hot and Humid. It didn’t matter, we played baseball in the heat, rode our bikes everywhere and enjoyed our summers.

Back then, it seems like the summers lasted forever. We had enough kids in the neighborhood to just about make 2 baseball teams, and we used to play behind a school which is now the Board of Education in our town. After baseball, we used to go to the penny candy store at the top of my street, in search of something colorful and sweet from Mr. Calderoni. Other times, we’d go to Vito’s to play the pinball machines.

Either way, those were the days when we’d leave the house around 8am, come home for lunch when the lunchtime whistle blew from the factory downtown, then back out and came home when the streetlights came on, if not sooner for dinner without a care in the world.

Those were the days…..

On to something funny:

An Irishman goes into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church.
There's a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates.

Then the priest comes in. "Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be."

The priest replies: "Get out! You're on my side."

******************************************************************************

A PET'S TEN COMMANDMENTS.........

1. My life is likely to last 10-15 years. Any separation from you is likely to be painful.

2. Give me time to understand what you want of me

3. Place your trust in me. It is crucial for my well-being.

4. Don't be angry with me for long and don't lock me up as punishment. You have your work, our friends, your entertainment, but I have only you.

5. Talk to me. Even if I don't understand your words, I do understand your voice when speaking to me.

6. Be aware that however you treat me, I will never  forget it.

7. Before you hit me, before you strike me, remember  that I could hurt you, and yet, I choose not to bite you.

8. Before you scold me for being lazy or  uncooperative, ask yourself if something might be bothering me.  Perhaps I'm not getting the right food, I have been in the sun too  long, or my heart might be getting old or weak.

9. Please take care of me when I grow old. You too, will grow old.

10. On the ultimate difficult journey, go with me please.  Never say you can't bear to watch. Don't make me face this alone.  Everything is easier for me if you are there, because I love you  so.

~Take a moment today to thank GOD for your pets. Enjoy and take good care of them.    Life would be a much duller, less joyful  experience without God's critters.

Well folks, last post till mid next week… stay safe until then!

369 – 4 Days till Vacation!

Actually, it’s 3 and a half as I’m taking a half day off on Thursday. I’ve started putting stuff in my new smaller bag, and I went out and bought some new water shoes.  My daughter and sister in law leave the day before us.

We still have the heat wave going.. it was over 93 yesterday with high humidity. No end in sight yet either!

Other than the heat, it was a nice weekend.

Mom was pretty wobbly yesterday, and I wonder if she’ll pass the physical to even have the operation they want her to have. My mom’s a tough ole bird, but it’s tough seeing her not at 100%.

On to something a bit more light-hearted:

The Barber

A guy stuck his head into a barbershop and asked, 'How long before I can get a haircut?'
The barber looked around the shop full of Customers and said, 'About 2 hours.'
The guy left.
A few days later, the same guy stuck his head In the door and asked,
'How long before I can get a haircut?'
The barber looked around at the shop and said, 'About 3 hours.'
The guy left.
A week later, the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, 'How long before I can get a haircut?'

The barber looked around the shop and said, 'About an hour and a half .'
The guy left.
The barber turned to his friend and said,
'Hey, Bob, do me a favor.  Follow that guy and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, But then he doesn't ever come back.'
A little while later, Bob returned to the shop, laughing hysterically.
The barber asked, 'So, where does that guy go when he leaves?'
Bob looked up, wiped the tears from his eyes and said,........

'Your house!'

Have a great Monday all…!

368 – The Heat Wave Continues…

We had maybe one or two breaks in the heat (but not by very much), and it’s going to be that way all weekend too. The heat wouldn’t be so bad, but the humidity is incredibly high which makes it miserable outside.

My brother and I took my mom to the doctors on Wednesday (a neurologist) and found out she has to have an operation on her spine on September 3rd. She’ll then be in a rehab facility for a while to heal, and I think we’re both a bit worried about that.

Well, one week from today, I’ll be in Mexico enjoying the sun and sand! My brother and I are really excited about going, and it can’t come fast enough.

On to something funny, for my friend Bubba:

You Know if Your Church is a Redneck

If...The finance committee refuses to buy a chandelier because no-one knows how to play one.

If ... People ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000 whether the fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch them.

If ...When the pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take the offering," five guys and two women stand up.

If... A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because, "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of."

If,,,The choir is known as the "OK Chorale."

If... the congregation has 500 members, there are only seven last names in the Church directory.

If... Baptism is referred to as "branding."

If... High notes on the organ set the dogs on the floor to howling.

If...People think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too heavy.

If...The collection plates are really Hub Caps from a '56 Chevy.

If... The minister and his wife drive matching pick-up trucks.

If. ..The communion wine is Boone's Farm "Tickled Pink."

If..."Thou shalt not covet" applies to hunting dogs too.

If...The final words of the Benediction are "Y'all come back now. Ya hear."

Have a great weekend all!

367 – Late by a Day

Sorry I had no post yesterday, I was home sick, but feel better today.

It was a great weekend, and at the all Corvette show, my friend Pete took second place in his class!  Here’s a picture of his car at right:

Click on the pic to ‘embiggen’.

It’s a 1982 Corvette Coupe in Silver Green, a very rare color.

We had a great time (I rode with him and didn’t take my car), and saw a lot of gorgeous Corvettes. it was a beautiful day, around 95 with a few light puffy clouds.

Other than that, we’ve still been real hot here, and we’re hoping for some rain today to revive our yellow grass everywhere (and take away the fire hazard).

I’ll be off on Wednesday to take my mom to a doctor with my brother, so my next post may be Friday.

On to something funny:

 

A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He
goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, My car broke down. Do
you think I could stay the night?
    .
    The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, and even mend his car.
As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound; a sound like no
other that he has ever heard. The next morning, he asks the monks what the
sound was, but they say, We can't tell you because you're not a monk.
    .
    The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry
way. Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the same
monastery.
    .
    The monks again accept him, feed him, and even mend his car..
    .
    That night, he hears the same strange mesmerizing sound that he had
heard years earlier.
    .
    The next morning, he asks what the sound was, but the monks reply,
    .
    We can't tell you because you're not a monk.
    .
    The man says, all right, all right. I'm dying to know.
    .
    If the only way I can find out what that sound was is to become a monk,
how do I become a monk?
    .
    The monks reply, you must travel the earth and tell us how many blades
of grass there are and the exact number of pebbles. When you find these
numbers, you will become a monk.
    .
    The man sets about his task. Some forty-five years later, he returns and
knocks on the door of the monastery. He says, I have traveled the earth and
devoted my life to the task demanded and have found what you had asked for.
There are 371,145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382
pebbles on the earth.
    .
    The monks reply, congratulations, you are correct, and you are now
considered a monk .
    .
    We shall now show you the way to the sound.
    .
    The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, the
sound is behind that door.
    .
    The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked. He asks, May I
have the key ?
    .
    The monks give him the key, and he opens the door.
    .
    Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone... The man requests
the key to the stone door.
    .
    The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of
ruby. He demands another key from the monks, who provide it. Behind that
door is another door, this one made of sapphire. And so it went on until the
man had gone through doors of emerald,...
    .
    ...silver, topaz, and amethyst.
    .
    Finally, the monks say, This is the key to the last door .
    .
    The man is relieved to be at the end. He unlocks the door, turns the
knob, and behind that door he is astonished to find the source of that
strange sound. It is truly an amazing and unbelievable sight.
    .
    .
    .
    .
    ... But I can't tell you what it is because you're not a monk.

Have a wonderful day all!

366 – So Far, 6 Days of Heat!

So far, we’ve had 6 days over 90, and 2 of them over 100. Today, it may make right around 90 but the humidity is real high. Saturday we’re supposed to get some rain, so it should cool it down Looking back, it’s funny because these are the kinds of summers I remember as a kid.

Well, I have 14 days till my mini vacation with my brother to Mexico!!! I can’t wait.

Bubba, you asked what model of GPS I got, it’s the Garmin 755T.

This weekend is going to be a busy one, with running around with my daughter tomorrow to do a few things, then Sunday going with a friend to an all Corvette show down by the shore. That’s an all day event so there goes my weekend.

Next week, I have to take Wednesday off to take my mom to a neurosurgeon with my brother.

On to something funny (More Customer Support SNAFU’s):

No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 4

CALL CENTER | OHIO, USA

(After unlocking the caller’s account and beginning to explain when it can be used.)

Me: “Okay, sir. The account will be unlocked in a half hour.”

Caller: “Okay, I’m in Florida, where y’all located?”

Me: “Sir, we are in Ohio.”

Caller: “Okay. So is that 30 minutes Central or 30 minutes Eastern?”

Yukon Not Spend It

GAS STATION | ALBERTA, CANADA

Customer: “Why is my credit card being denied?”

Me: “Is it an American credit card?”

Customer: “Yes, I’m from Texas and I’m traveling to Alaska.”

Me: “Credit card companies sometimes block purchases made in other countries if they don’t know you’re traveling.”

Customer: “But I’m not in another country.”

Me: “This is Canada, sir.”

Customer: “But it’s on the way to Alaska.”

Me: “I know sir, but it’s still another country, so you probably need to call your credit card company.”

Customer: “What stupid country is this?!”

Me: “Actually sir, it would happen with any country you travel to because it’s a safety feature for your own security.”

Customer: “Well, if Canada wasn’t in the way of Alaska, this wouldn’t be a problem!”

Have a great weekend all!

365 – Heat Wave, Day 4

Yesterday, it was 104 here, with the heat index up over 110, and there’s no end in sight yet. The forest people are very worried as the fire index is the highest it’s been in many years. The temps yesterday broke all records for this area, and I can’t imagine how people could work outside in it like construction people, and pavers. Today, it’s supposed to be up around 100 again.

Hopefully we’ll get a bit of rain at some point soon, to cool us down and lower the fire danger.

I figured out this past weekend how to load music files on my new GPS, and play them through the car stereo through it’s FM transmitter built in. It’s pretty cool! When the GPS needs to give you directions, it pauses the music, states it’s mind, then resumes the music. Works great!

On to something funny, for my bud Bubba:

"Bubba & Cooter's Book of Sure-Fire Pick-up Lines"

Did you fart? ...cuz you just blew me away.

Do you have a library card? ...cuz I'd like to sign you out

Is there a mirror in yer pants? ...cuz I can see myself in em.

You might not be the best lookin' girl here, but beauty's only a light switch away.

I know I'm not no Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make yer bed-rock.

Yer eyes are as blue as window cleaner.

If yer gunna regret this in the mornin, we kin sleep til afternoon.

Have a great Hump-Day all!

364 – It’s Officially a Heat Wave!

Well, it’s been very hot all weekend, and today, it’s expected to get close to 100, with humidity indexes well over 105.

Most of the weekend beginning on Sunday, we stayed indoors as it was just too darn hot to go out. So far, there’s no end to the heat in sight.

Saturday, it was just perfect out and we went to a picnic with our wine group that was just outstanding. The home we were at was up in the hills with a gorgeous view, and the breeze was just perfect for keeping everyone cool.

Yesterday, we ventured out for just a bit to look for a new electric stove, which we’ve been looking for, for over a month now and my wife just can’t make up her mind which is really getting to me. Pretty soon, I’ll just go buy one and let her get mad… it’s better than living with a broken stove that makes me madder every day! *chuckling*

Other than that, not much else new… no time for a funny today, hopefully I’ll have one for Wednesday.

Have a great day all!