215 - Weird Weather

Well, we've gone from 50's to 90's and Wednesday we're going to the 60's again. Tuesday, it was 94.  Welcome to New England.

With all this swine flu going on, the cruise we're going on has a stop in Cozumel Mexico, and many of the cruise lines are ceasing their stops in Mexico (even though the flu is all near Mexico City, nowhere near cruise ports).

Other than that, there's not too much new. My daughter who had purchased a new Dell notebook, only to have problems with it immediately, (they replaced the motherboard twice), got a new one yesterday and I'm putting it through it's paces trying to make it fail again. So far so good.

Now, for a funny:

It was late and Charlie was about to climb into bed when his wife informed him that there was a light on in their garden shed. Charlie started to go outside to turn off the light but noticed some people in the shed who were busy stealing his things.

He ran back inside right away and called the cops, who asked him "Are there any intruders in your house?" to which Charlie replied no and explained his circumstances. The cops told Charlie that all patrol cars were otherwise occupied, and that he should just lock his door and a uniformed cop would be at his house when one was free.

Charlie answered, "Alright," hung up, waited 30 seconds, and then called the cops again.

"Hello, I just called a short while ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. I want to let you know that they're not a problem anymore because I've just shot every one of them."

Charlie then hung up the phone. In five short minutes, three patrol cars, a SWAT team, and an ambulance arrived, and Of course, the cops caught the burglars in the act.

One of the cops snapped at Charlie: "I thought you said that you shot every one of them!"

"I thought you said there were no patrol cars free!" Charlie answered.

Have a wonderful Hump-Day!

214 - The Perfect Weekend

I took Friday off, and it was gorgeous out. It was about 65 degrees and I went to do some errands with my brother, including stopping at Stew Leonards to pick up a Filet Mignon strip that was on sale for $6.99/lb, stripped and cut. This means, they take it out of the plastic wrap, slice off all gristle and most of the marbled fat, and re-wrap it for you. We both got one, and that night, we had some at home and they just melted in our mouths.  Now, Stew Leonards (SL) is one of those stores that, if you've never been in one, is impossible to go in and just buy one thing. It's a store where there's no straight aisles, but it winds you around kinda like IKEA, and every so often you run into people with something from SL that's either just made or being cooked. Not 50 feet in the door, a lady was handing out samples of some of SL's soups. I tried the New England Clam Chowder, and I just had to have some, so I bought a good sized container of it. They also make their own potato chips, and sweet potato chips (had to have some of them), and... well, you know what I mean.

After bringing the meat (and other stuff) home, we went out to lunch. It was a perfect day, so we took the Vette out for a short ride too.

Saturday, it was supposed to be around 80-85, but it really got up to 92 degrees out!  Now, 2 days before it never got above 55. I took the Vette out for a short ride in the afternoon, but we went out to dinner with some friends in the evening and had a wonderful time.

And now, a funny for you all:

A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy finds an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole." The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole." The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair spray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. Then he puts the worm back into the hole. The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hair spray, and runs into the house. Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out and hands the little boy another five dollars. The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars." The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from your grandma."

Have a great Monday all!

213 - Long Weekend - Great Weather!

Finally.. we're going to have a 70+ degree day Friday, and over 80 over Saturday and Sunday (close to 90 on Sunday actually).

Yes, the Vette will come out to play! WHOO HOO

I don't know if I mentioned it, but we did book the cruise with my brother and sister in law! I can't wait.. I know we're all going to have a great time.

Other than that... life is good. This weekend should be great, and I'm looking forward to the warm weather. Of course with that, comes yard work, and I have a good sized yard.

On to some fun stuff:

5 Amazing Riddle Questions

THIS SHARPENS THOSE GENES IN YOUR BRAIN AND STALLS ALZHEIMERS FOR YEARS!
1. A murderer is condemned to death. He has to choose between three rooms.
The first is full of raging fires.
The second is full of assassins with loaded guns.
The third is full of lions that haven't eaten in 3 years.

Which room is safest for him?

2. A woman shoots her husband. Then she holds him under water for over 5
minutes. Finally, she hangs him. But 5 minutes later they both go out together and enjoy a wonderful dinner together. How can this be?

3. What is black when you buy it, red when you use it, and gray when you
throw it away?

4. Can you name three consecutive days without using the words Wednesday, Friday, or Sunday?

5. This is an unusual paragraph. I'm curious as to just how quickly
you can find out what is so unusual about it. It looks so ordinary and plain
that you would think nothing was wrong with it. In fact, nothing is wrong with it! It is highly unusual though. Study it and think about it, but you still may not find anything odd. But if you work at it a bit, you might find out. Try to do so without any coaching!

The answer will be in the comments... soon! *chuckling*

Make sure you click on this picture to 'embiggen'

 

Next, check out this link to some gorgeous, older cars!

Lastly, check out the largest model railroad in the world! (Youtube video)

Have a great weekend all!

212 - Wordless Wed. - Swiss Alps - Lucerne Switzerland

 

9/28/2002
Click on picture to 'embiggen'

211 - Cruising Again?

Well, it looks like we may be cruising again, late next month. (insert big smile here)

Rewind to last week, when our friends Gary and Debbie asked if we'd like to do a cruise again, and I found a great cruise late next month. I called, got prices, and everything seemed like a go.. but Gary called back and had to cancel. He explained why, and I understood. Something at home.

I was sad, but knew my wife wouldn't want to go, just she and I.

That same afternoon, my brother called me and said "Dave, how about we go on a cruise" (him and my sister in law, and me and my wife). Me: "Have I got a deal for you!" and I told him what happened with Gary, and when he and his wife looked at the cruise, they loved it and hopefully on Monday I'll be booking it. This cruise includes two ports we've not visited yet, on a ship we haven't been on yet either so for many reasons, it should be great fun.

And now, one of my favorite funny stories:

The Accident

Dear Sir,

I am writing in response to your request for additional information. In block number 3 of the accident reporting form, I put "trying to do the job alone" as the cause of my accident. You said in your letter that I should explain more fully, and I trust that the following details will be sufficient:

I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six story building. When I completed my work, I discovered that I had about 500 pounds of brick left over. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which, fortunately, was attached to the side of the building at the sixth floor.

Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the brick into it. Then I went back to the ground and untied the rope, holding it tight to insure a slow descent of the 500 pounds of bricks. You will note, in block number 11 of the accident reporting form, that I weigh 135 pounds.

Due to my surprise of being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rather rapid rate up the side of the building.

In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming down. This explains the fractured skull and broken collarbone. Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley. Fortunately, by this time, I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope in spite of my pain.

At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground, and the bottom broke out of the barrel. Devoid of the weight of the bricks, the barrel now weighed approximately fifty pounds.

I refer you again to my weight in the accident reporting form, block number 11.
As you might imagine, I began a rapid descent down the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounted for the two fractured ankles and the lacerations on my legs and lower body.

The encounter with the barrel slowed me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell onto the pile of bricks, and fortunately, only three vertebrae were cracked. I am sorry to report, however, that as I lay there on the bricks in pain, unable to stand, and watching the empty barrel six stories above me...I again lost my presence of mind...and let go of the rope!

Have a great Monday all!

210 - Island Fever

Now how bad do I sound when I say I want to go back to the Caribbean soon? We've been watching some shows on TV all about places to go, things to do in the Caribbean and don't you know it, I'm once again wanting to go.

Funny thing is, my brother called me today wanting for the four of us to go on a cruise together! Even funnier was I had just quoted a cruise for my wife and I, and our friends Gary and Debbie but they had to back out just before we were going to book. Now, if my brother and his wife agree, we may be on another cruise late next month! (ps, as I write this, I'm watching something on TV called "Top Caribbean Beach Resorts".

Well, I added Ashton Kutcher on my Twitter and I'm following him now in his race to beat CNN for 1 million followers! He's actually kinda funny. (Maybe I'll ask Ashton and Demi if they want to go on the cruise with us!) *LOL*

Nothing planned yet for the weekend, but I'm hoping for a relaxing one. Friday is supposed to be 70+, so I'll hopefully take the Vette out for a little ride when I get home. I did get an oil change on it this past Tuesday, so it's all set for the Spring/Summer!

On to something to make you smile:

A magazine recently ran a “Dilbert Quotes” contest.  They were looking for people to submit quotes from their real-life Dilbert-type managers. 

These were voted the top quotes in corporate America:

“As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards.  Pictures will be taken next Wednesday, and employees will receive their cards in two weeks.”

(This was the winning quote from Fred Dales, Microsoft Corp. in Redmond, WA)

“What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might encounter.”

( Lykes Lines Shipping)

“Email is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business.”

(Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)

“This project is so important we can’t let things that are more important interfere with it.”

(Advertising - Marketing manager, United Parcel Service)

“Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule.”

(Plant Manager, Delco Corporation)

“No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We’ve been working on it for months.  Now go act busy for a few weeks and I’ll let you know when it’s time to tell them.”

(R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M Corp.)

Quote from the Boss: “Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say.”

(Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)

My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday. When I told my Boss, he said she died on purpose so that I would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could change her burial to Friday. He said, “That would be better for me.”

(Shipping executive, FTD Florists)

“We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees.”

(Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division)

Have a wonderful weekend all!

209 - Me and Wife, 29 Years and 3 Days Ago

 

(Click on Picture to 'embiggen')

208 - Still Waiting for Spring

It was finally sunny today, but a measly 40 degrees here today. Is Spring coming?

We had a wonderful Easter, with the whole family here and wonderful food and company. My daughter made a great desert called Mud Cake, and it was awesome. We opened a bottle of our very special Chateau Prieure Lichine 1999 Margaux for dinner today (it was  also our anniversary today), and it was as great as it's always been. I have only 2 bottles remaining. Wish I could get more.

Oh, I bought a new monitor on Thursday from Newegg.com. It's an Asus 24" monitor and it's HUGE and it's beautiful!

I had a wonderful breakfast on Saturday with friends from my last big job at The Torrington Company, where I worked for 11  years. These people are like family, and it's so nice to see them a couple times a year for breakfast. Everyone agrees that working for "The Big T" was the best job they've ever had, and they agree they'll never work at a place like that again.

And now, a funny:

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates.  St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer -- you're in the wrong place." So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in.  Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements.  After a while, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.

One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?"  Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great.  We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."

God replies, "What???  You've got an engineer?  That's a mistake -- he should never have gotten down there; send him up here."  Satan says, "No way.  I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."  God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."  Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right.  And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"

Have  a wonderful Monday!

207 - Long Weekend Again

Happy Easter to all people out there that celebrate it!

Well, it's been a busy week, and I'm ready for some R&R.

I looked at the news today, and I'm shocked at what I see on CNN.com:

Obama wants to cut immigrants' incentives

Angels rookie pitcher dies in car crash

KOCO: Wildfires force evacuations across state

FBI assisting in negotiations with pirates

'Simpsons' to appear on postage stamps

Fawcett's battle brings attention to rare cancer

Grads scalping Obama commencement tickets

Obama to seek $83 billion more for wars

Ticker: White House attacked by swarm of bees

Levi Johnston says Sarah Palin lying

Fed up residents repair road in 8 days -- for free

Pastor to hold services at local bar 

WFOR: 12-year-old enrolls in college

Conficker computer worm wakes up

Billy Bob interview hits sour note

iReport.com: Only rubble left at GM plant

What ever happened to good news? Is there any? The Simpsons appearing on stamps is news? THE SIMPSONS ARE ON STAMPS????? Good grief.
Sarah Palin caught in a lie? Say it ain't so!

Other than having the whole family over on Sunday for Easter, it should be a nice, relaxing weekend.

I bought myself a new monitor on Newegg.com today. A 24" widescreen, with great reviews at a GREAT price! I hope it gets here tomorrow. I can hope!

Well, let me leave you with a joke from my friend Mike H:

The French President is sitting in his office when his telephone rings. 'Hallo, Mr. Sarkozy!' a heavily accented voice said. 'This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Clare , Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you! We voted to reject the Lisbon treaty!'
'Well, Paddy,' Sarkozy replied, 'This is indeed important news! How big is your army?'
'Right now,' says Paddy, after a moment's calculation, 'there is myself, me Cousin Sean, me next door neighbor Seamus, and the entire darts team from the pub. That makes eleven!'
Sarkozy paused. 'I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100,000 men in my army waiting to move on my command.'
'Begoora!' says Paddy. 'I'll have to ring you back.' Sure enough, the next day, Paddy calls again. 'Mr. Sarkozy, the war is still on. We have managed to get us some infantry equipment!'
'And what equipment would that be Paddy?' Sarkozy asks.
'Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor.'
Sarkozy sighs amused. 'I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 6,000 tanks and 5,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I have increased my army to 150,000 since we last spoke.'
'Saints preserve us!' says Paddy. 'I'll have to get back to you.’

Sure enough, Paddy rings again the next day. 'Mr. Sarkozy, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We have modified Jackie McLaughlin's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Shamrock Bar have joined us as well!'
Sarkozy was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. 'I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes. My military bases are surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I have increased my army to 200,000!'
'Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!' says Paddy, 'I will have to ring you back..'
Sure enough, Paddy calls again the next day. 'Top o' the mornin', Mr. Sarkozy! I am sorry to inform you that we have had to call off the war.'
'Really? I am sorry to hear that,' says Sarkozy. 'Why the sudden change of heart?'
'Well,' says Paddy, 'we had a long chat over a few pints of Guinness and packets of crisps, and we decided there is no fookin' way we can feed 200,000 prisoners."

Have a great weekend all!

206 - Waiting for the Women

It's Tuesday night around 8pm as I write this, and my friend Ray is over waiting for the UCONN Women and the Women's National Championship game to start. Tomorrow, I hope to be able to say the UCONN Women are National Champions with a 39-0 record. This won't be the first time they've gone the whole season undefeated, as a matter of fact, this would be their 3rd!

Well, we found out where next February's vacation will be, and It'll be here in St. Maarten. The price is going up a bit, but it's a lot nicer than places in the past. We'll see if I can talk  my wife into it! (if not, anyone want to go?) *LOL*

Friday I'll be off for the holiday, and Sunday we'll have the whole family at the house for Easter Dinner. Should be nice once again to have everyone together.

And now, for a funny:

The King's Daughter
Once upon a time there lived a king. The king had a beautiful daughter.  But there was a problem. Everything the princess touched would melt.  No matter what; metal, wood, plastic -- anything she touched would melt.  Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her.  The king despaired. What could he do to help his daughter? He consulted his
wizards and magicians. One wizard told the king, "If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands, she will be cured."  The king was overjoyed. The next day, he held a competition. Any man that could bring his daughter an object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the king's wealth.  Three young princes took up the challenge. The first prince brought a very hard alloy of titanium. But alas, once the princess touched it, it melted.  The prince went away sadly.  The second prince brought a huge diamond, thinking that diamond is the hardest substance in the world and would not melt. But alas, once the princess touched it, it melted. He too was sent away disappointed.  The third prince approached. He told the princess, "Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is in there." The princess did as she was told, though she turned red. She held it in her hand. And it did not melt!!!  The king was overjoyed. Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed. And the third prince married the princess and they both lived happily ever after.

Question: What was the object in the prince's pants?

 

They were M&M's of course. They melt in your mouth, not in your hand.  (What were you thinking?)

Have a great Hump-Day!

205 - Disappointing Saturday

Well, my UCONN Husky Men's team lost to Michigan State on Saturday night. It was like they didn't even show up to play. It was painful to watch. Sunday night, the UCONN Women will hopefully gain their next win against Stanford, to make it to the championship game. Then, March Madness, is over.

A week or so ago, I mentioned the plastic Vettes that my friend gave me and how I was having them painted. Here's a picture of them (not sure why the pictures didn't come out better... )

(click on picture to 'embiggen)

They came out great. From top left to bottom right, there's the convertible, the coupe (like mine) and the fixed roof coupe. My friend did a fantastic job painting them. He was shocked when he got the bill for the paint, but I had told him ahead of time it was VERY expensive paint if he used the actual Millennium Yellow paint on my car.

And now, for a funny:

Test for Dementia

DO YOU THINK NORMAL?

Subject: Test for Dementia
Test for Dementia
Below are four (4) questions and a bonus question. You have to answer them instantly. You can't take your time, answer all of them immediately. OK?
Let's find out just how clever you really are.
Ready? GO!!! (scroll down)

First Question:
You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?

Answer: If you answered that you are first,
then you are absolutely wrong! If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are second!
Try not to screw up in the next question.
To answer the second question, don't take as much time as you took for the first question.
Second Question:
If you overtake the last person, then you are...?

Answer:If you answered that you are second to last,
then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST Person?
You're not very good at this! Are you?

Third Question:
Very tricky math!
Note: This must be done in your head only. Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.
Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now add 30. Add another 1000. Now add 20.
Now add another 1000. Now add 10. What is the total?
Scroll down for answer.
Did you get 5000?

The correct answer is actually 4100.
Don't believe it? Check with your calculator! Today is definitely not your day. Maybe you will get the last question right?

Fourth Question:
Mary's father has five daughters:
1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono.
What is the name of the fifth daughter?

Answer:Nunu?
NO!Of course not.
Her name is Mary. Read the question again

Okay, now the bonus round:
There is a mute person who wants to buy a toothbrush.
By imitating the action of brushing one's teeth he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done.
Now if there is a blind man who wishes to buy a pair of sunglasses, how should he express himself?
He just has to open his mouth and ask, so simple.
FRUSTRATE THE SMART PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE!

Have a wonderful Monday all!

204 - Half of the Battle

Well, I put the insurance back on the Vette as of Thursday.. the problem is, the weather all weekend is going to be awful. Rain and cool. Go figure. At least next week is a short week in work, because of Good Friday. I got the insurance and the car, now how about the weather cooperating?

Thanks to the people who commented on Wednesday. Sometimes it's just weird writing and seeing only one person reading (supposedly). Thanks Elaine and Mark for setting me straight. *S*

Mark, just for you, here's The worst HomeMade Star Wars Costumes!

Other than that, life's been pretty normal lately. If it's anywhere near nice this weekend, I'll take my new toy R/C airplane out for a try. Wish me luck on that one! *LOL*

Now, for some Irish funny:

An  Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car's weaving violently all over the road.
A cop pulls him over.
"So," says the cop to the driver, where have ya been?"
"Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk.
"Well,"  says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening."
"I did all right," the drunk says with a  smile.
"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest,
"that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"  
"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk.
"For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."

  Have a great weekend all!

203 – Again, Down to 1 Comment

Maybe people aren’t reading me anymore. I’m thinking about that great “The Clash” song called “Should I stay or should I go”.

Well, I’ll post a couple of digital pictures I made back a few years ago. Enjoy:

(Click on any picture to ‘embiggen)