470 – 7 Days till Vacation!

We’re in the home stretch now… a week from Friday afternoon I’ll be on vacation! We’ve made a lot of plans for the cruise, but for the most part, it’s going to be a relaxing vacation.

I watched a bit of the “Royal Wedding” and she really is a beautiful lady! Our future queen perhaps? So much pomp and circumstance!

Our first car show is Saturday, so I’ll have the Vette out finally! WHOO HOO! Supposed to be a nice day, around 70 at least.

Mom’s doing well, so at least our worries about her are relaxing a bit.

Other than that, just a busy weekend ahead (and I have to start getting my clothes out for the cruise).

On to something funny:

Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother. The first said, "I built a big house for our mother." The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver." The third smiled and said, "I've got you both beat. You remember how mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can't see very well. So I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took elders in the church 12 years to teach him. He's one of a kind. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it."

Soon thereafter, mom sent out her letters of thanks: "Milton," she wrote one son, "The house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house."

"Gerald," she wrote to another, "I am too old to travel. I stay most of the time at home, so I rarely use the Mercedes. And the driver is so rude!"

"Dearest Donald," she wrote to her third son, "You have the good sense to know what your mother likes. The chicken was delicious."

Have a great weekend all!

469 – Eventful Weekend

Well, Thursday afternoon we closed on my moms house (it’s in my brother and my name). It was a bit sad signing it over, remembering everything that happened there.

Friday morning, I had a doctors appointment for something minor, but overnight from Thursday, I could hardly swallow. It felt like I had swallowed sharp glass.
Upon looking in the mirror with a flashlight, the back of my throat looked raw, and the uvula (thing that hangs down) almost closed off the throat area.
So, after the first doctor, over to my regular doctor who diagnosed me with tonsillitis. He then put me on some antibiotics.
The uvula hangs down so far, I can feel it on the back of my tongue, and its’ an awful feeling. For Easter Sunday, I had to chew things a few hundred times to get it soft enough to go down.
The thing that’s scaring me, is that after 3 days on Antibiotics, the uvula isn’t getting any smaller and it’s still hard to swallow, and I’m not sleeping well as if I lay on my back I can’t breathe.

Just before my cruise… *frown*

On to something funny:

The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so Gomer - who was not exactly the sharpest nail in the bucket went in to try out for the job. "Okay," the sheriff drawled, "Gomer, what is 1 and 1?" "11" he replied. The sheriff thought to himself, "That's not what I meant, but he's right." "What two days of the weekstart with the letter 'T'?" "Today and tomorrow." He was again surprised that Gomer supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself. "Now Gomer, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?" Gomer looked a little surprised himself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, "I don't know." "Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for a while?" So, Gomer wandered over to the pool hall where his pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview. Gomer was exultant. "It went great! First day on the job and I'm already working on a murder case!"

Have a wonderful Monday all…!

468 – Wordless Wednesday – Daddy’s Little Girl circa 1982

 

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467 – And the Countdown Continues…

18 Days till vacation, and I keep watching the webcam from Port Everglades every Sunday around 5pm to watch all the cruise ships pulll out, thinking soon, that’ll be me!

It was a nice weekend here, mid 60’s kinda weather, sunshine.. the daffodils are coming up!

I’ll tell you one minor downside to the iPad I have. Every once in a while, Apple releases a new software version for the iPad, and it breaks an application or two.

Right now, the Facebook app called “Friendly” that I’ve been using on my iPad isn’t working because of just that. To make matters worse, the app writer then fixes his app, but must re-submit it to Apple for distribution. This can take quite some time. Such is the price of progress I guess.

On to something funny:

Top Ten Signs You Might be a redneck...

1. Your dog rides in your truck more than your wife.
2. You wear specific hats to farm sales, livestock auctions, customer appreciation suppers, and vacations.
3. You have ever had to wash off in the backyard with a garden hose before your wife would let you in the house.
4. You've never thrown away a 5-gallon bucket.
5. You can remember the fertilizer rate, seed population, herbicide rate and yields on a farm you rented 10 years ago, but cannot recall your wife's birthday.
6. You have used a velvet leaf plant as toilet paper.
7. You have driven off the road while examining your neighbors crops.
8. You have borrowed gravel from the county road to fill potholes in your driveway.
9. You have buried a dog and cried like a baby.
10. You've used the same knife to make bull calves steers and peel apples.

Have a wonderful Monday all!

466 – Three Weeks to Go….

Three weeks from Friday afternoon, I’m on vacation. It’ll be nice to get away. The good news is, this cruise is just about free for us. All we paid for is airfare.

I’ve been working on things for our auto club for this coming season as our Cruise Nights begin on May 7th, though we have a car show to do on April 30th. I’m not even sure if I’ll take the Vette home before the cruise, but I may take it out for a few rides before then.

So what’d you think of the old computer advertisement from Wednesday?
Well, here's something even cooler! A NEW Commodore 64!

I had a Vic-20 and C-64 (and a C-128), what seems like a LONG time ago. It’s really a great article… please read it!

On to something funny:

Sports Funnies:

The huge college freshman decided to try out for the football team. "Can you tackle?" asked the coach. "Watch this," said the freshman, who proceeded to run smack into a telephone pole, shattering it to splinters. "Wow," said the coach. "I'm impressed. Can you run?"
"Of course I can run," said the freshman. He was off like a shot, and, in just over nine seconds, he had run a hundred yard dash. "Great!" enthused the coach. "But can you pass a football?" The freshman hesitated for a few seconds. "Well, sir," he said, "if I can swallow it, I can probably pass it."

A teacher asks her students if they're Yankees fans. All of the hands go up except for one student. "Okay, Bobby. What team are you a fan of?" "The Red Sox." "Why's that?" "Well, my parents are both Red Sox fans, so I'm a Red Sox fan too." "That's not a good answer, Bobby. If your parents were both morons, would you be a moron too?" "No, that would make me a Yankees fan!"

Have a wonderful weekend all!

465 – Wordless Wednesday – Remember When…

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464 – A New Week

Well, the nursing home is moving my mom to a more permanent room today. We had to buy her a new TV, and at their recommendation, a cell phone. Now, I have to write up some instructions on how to use the cell phone. That’s not a lot of fun, as I remember how we had to actually tape over buttons on her TV at home to keep her from pushing things, and I can just imagine her pushing the Web button on the phone *groan*.

Friday night, I went out for a nice dinner of Thai food with a good friend of mine and we had a wonderful time.

Saturday, I took the Vette out for a short little ride, but it was great to get it out and on the road again. Hopefully, I’ll be bringing it home in the next 2-3 weeks.

Sunday, my brother and I went to visit mom, bring her the new TV and show her the new phone. I’m wondering how many calls I’ll get on that! *chuckling*

Sunday noon, my daughter and her boyfriend took my wife and I out to dinner at “The Cheesecake Factory”, our first time there and we loved it!!

Nothing more to report right now, so on to something funny:

A policeman pulled over a car, walked up to the driver's window, and asked the man if he knew why he was pulled over. "No," the man replied. "You failed to stop at the stop sign," the cop explained. "But I did slow down!" the guy argued. The cop shook his head. "You are required to stop. That's why they're called stop signs." The man started to get belligerent. "Stop, slow down -- what's the difference?" The cop pulled out his baton. "I can show you. I'm going to start hitting you with my baton. You tell me if you want me to stop or slow down."

And because this one sounds like it’s from down under…

So I went to the store the other day, I was only in there for about 5 minutes and when I came out there was a copper writing a parking ticket. So I went up to him and said, 'Come on mate, how about giving a bloke a break?' He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called him a pencil-necked Nazi. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having bald tires!! So I called him a horse f*cker. He finished the second ticket and put it on the car with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket!! This went on for about 20 minutes, the more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote. I didn't give a shit, my car was parked around the corner...

Have a wonderful Monday all…!

463 – Between Seasons

Now that the NCAA Basketball season is over, we’re kind of between seasons for me as I’m not a big baseball fan, and the next big thing for me to do will be to take out my Vette for good as soon as the weather gets just a bit better. I’m hoping in a couple of weeks, to do just that.

Well, we sold my moms home (as well as her car) so we have some money in the bank for her. This weekend, they’re moving her to a permanent room so my brother and I have to go get her a new TV and phone. I wish they had a phone that just had a couple of buttons on it. “Call Dave and Call Bruce (my brother)”. On a scale of 1 to 10 in technology, my mom is a –100, so giving her a cell phone is going to be something, but that’s the least expensive way to go it seems. It’s going to be fun.

We have no big plans for the weekend, so it should be a nice, relaxing weekend other than a bit of work around the house.

On to something funny (for us IT guys):

How to Please Your I.T. Department
01. When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers, bowling trophies and children's art. We don't have a life, and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours.
02. Don't write anything down. Ever. We can play back the error messages from here.
03. When an I.T. person says he's coming right over, go for coffee. That way you won't be there when we need your password. It's nothing for us to remember 700 screen saver passwords.
04. When you call the help desk, state what you want, not what's keeping you from getting it. We don't need to know that you can't get into your mail because your computer won't power on at all.
05. When I.T. support sends you an E-Mail with high importance, delete it at once. We're just testing.
06. When an I.T. person is eating lunch at his desk, walk right in and spill your guts right out. We exist only to serve.
07. Send urgent email all in uppercase. The mail server picks it up and flags it as a rush delivery.
08. When the photocopier doesn't work, call computer support. There's electronics in it.
09. When something's wrong with your home PC, dump it on an I.T. person's chair with no name, no phone number and no description of the problem. We love a puzzle.
10. When an I.T. person tells you that computer screens don't have cartridges in them, argue. We love a good argument.
11. When an I.T. person tells you that he'll be there shortly, reply in a scathing tone of voice: "And just how many weeks do you mean by shortly?" That motivates us.
12. When the printer won't print, re-send the job at least 20 times. Print jobs frequently get sucked into black holes.
13. When the printer still won't print after 20 tries, send the job to all 68 printers in the company. One of them is bound to work.
14. Don't learn the proper term for anything technical. We know exactly what you mean by "My thingy blew up".
15. Don't use on-line help. On-line help is for wimps.

Have a wonderful weekend all!

462 – NATIONAL CHAMPIONS!

Yes, of all the strange things to happen, the UCONN Men are 2011 National NCAA Basketball Champions, and the women never made it to the final game. Congratulations to the men for an outstanding season, a deserving championship and a thrilling year!

Congratulations too, to the women for a season with only 2 losses.

The weather is finally warming up, and thoughts are beginning to creep into my mind of taking the Vette out. Maybe a few more weeks… but not just yet. Still a lot of rain this Spring.

If you watch this link, on the weekend, you’ll get to see some of the cruise ships in Port Everglades Florida. It’s a live cam, so there’s always smaller boats coming and going.

Here's another link, to show you all kinds of great things about the ship we'll be going on next month, The Allure of the Seas.

30 days till the Cruise!

On to something funny:

Brain Exercise
Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As we grow older, it's important that we keep mentally alert. The saying: "If you don't use it, you will lose it" also applies to the brain.

Below is a very private way to gauge your loss or non-loss of intelligence. So take the following test presented here and determine if you are losing it or are still a MENSA candidate. OK, relax, clear your
mind and . . . begin.

1. What do you put in a toaster?

The answer is bread. If you said "toast", then give up now and go do something else. Try not to hurt yourself. If you said, "bread", go to question 2.

2. Say "silk" five times. Now spell "silk". What do cows drink?

Answer: Cows drink water. If you said "milk", please do not attempt the next question. Your brain is obviously overstressed and may even overheat. It may be that you need to content yourself with
reading something more appropriate such as "Children's World". If you said, "water" then proceed to question three.

3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks, what is a greenhouse made from?

Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said "green bricks", what the heck are you still doing here reading these questions? If you said "glass", then go on to
question four.

4. Twenty years ago, a plane is flying at 20,000 feet over Germany. If you will recall, Germany at the time was politically
divided into West Germany and East Germany. Anyway, during the flight, TWO of the engines fail. The pilot, realizing that the last remaining engine is also failing, decides on a crash landing procedure. Unfortunately the engine fails before he has time and the plane crashes smack in the middle of "no man's land" between East
Germany and West Germany. Where would you bury the survivors - East Germany or West Germany or in "no man's land"?

Answer: You don't, of course, bury survivors. If you said ANYTHING else, you are a real dunce and you must NEVER try to rescue anyone from a plane crash. Your efforts would not be appreciated. If
you said, "Don't bury the survivors" then proceed to the next question.

5. If the hour hand on a clock moves 1/60th of a degree every minute then how many degrees will the hour hand move in one hour?
Answer: One degree. If you said "360 degrees" or anything other than "one degree", you are to be congratulated on getting this far, but you are obviously out of your league. Turn your pencil in and
exit the room. Everyone else proceed to the final question.

6. Without using a calculator - You are driving a bus from London to Milford Haven in Wales. In London, 17 people get on the bus. In Reading, six people get off the bus and nine people get on. In Swindon, two people get off and four get on. In Cardiff, 11 people get off and 16 people get on. In Swansea, three people get off and five people get on. In Carmathen, six people get off and three get on. You then arrive at Milford Haven. What was the name of the bus driver?

Answer: Oh, for goodness sake! It was YOU, Read the first line!!!

Have a great Hump-Day all!

461 – One Dog Out

Well, the UCONN Women’s Huskies lost to Notre Dame last night. What a heart-breaking ending to a fantastic season and college career for Maya Moore, the best female basketball player in the US.

Monday night, we get to see if the UCONN Men can bring home the National Championship when they play Butler.

I can’t believe no comments on my “E-Trade Babies” commercial from Friday.

Things with mom aren’t getting any better. She’s fallen twice now in the past week or so.

We’re starting to look for a new car for my wife, which is always interesting. I’ll leave it at that.. *chuckle*

32 more days till the cruise!

Oh, and did I mention we booked another vacation with my brother and sister in law to Riviera Maya for July? Same place my brother and I went last year. Very relaxing place with gorgeous beaches, incredible pool and great food. We got an outstanding deal on it.

Well, on to something funny:

Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in. Jacob addresses the man behind the counter:
'Are you the owner?' The pharmacist answers yes.
Says Jacob: 'We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?'
Pharmacist: 'Of course we do.'
Jacob: 'How about medicine for circulation?'
Pharmacist: 'All kinds.'
Jacob: 'Medicine for rheumatism, scoliosis? '
Pharmacist: 'Definitely.'
Jacob: 'How about Viagra?'
Pharmacist: 'Of course.'
Jacob: 'Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, jaundice?'
Pharmacist: 'Yes, a large variety. The works.'
Jacob: 'What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson's disease?'
Pharmacist: 'Absolutely.'
Jacob: 'You sell wheelchairs and walkers?'
Pharmacist: 'All speeds and sizes.'
Jacob says to the pharmacist: 'We'd like to register here for our wedding gifts, please.'

Have a great Monday all…

460 – No Joke….

Nope, no April Fools Jokes here (other than the joke at the bottom).

Yep, we actually got about a half inch of snow last night. Luckily, the storm took a right turn at Connecticut, and smacked right into Rhode Island, and Cape Cod. Better them than me! Supposedly, by next Tuesday, it’ll be 70 degrees! COME ON SPRING!

Here's a great video to make you laugh today of animals doing silly things!

Well, both our Men and Women’s UCONN Basketball teams are going to the final four. This will be the last weekend of NCAA Basketball, and I’ll be sad to see it end.

Well, so much to do and so little time to do it…. on to something funny.

My favorites, the E-Trade Babies!!

ps, to see more of these hilarious commercials, just go to YouTube and enter Etrade babies in.

Have a wonderful weekend all!