319 – Fridays Should Come Twice a Week

What a long week this has been..! I’ve been running around like a crazy man.

Has anyone watched any of the Olympics? Me, I haven’t watched even one minute of them. For some reason, they’re just not interesting to me.. though I may watch the men’s hockey final if it’s the US against Canada.

54 more days till Vacation, and the price on our hotel room in San Diego came down quite a bit! I found out they give a discount for "State Employees”, and as I am one, I get a great discount! Now… if I just had a button to fast forward time… hmmmm

My daughter is going to a big “cake show” at the Hartford Marriott hotel this weekend which should be fun for her.. she’s all excited about it!

Me.. no plans as of yet. Hoping to maybe go out to dinner tomorrow night.

On to something funny:

Funny Bumper Stickers:

This truck is protected by an anti-social German Shepherd

Is there life after death? Touch the Rednecks truck and find out!

I'm NOT speeding, I'm qualifing!

If this car was a horse I'd have to shoot it.

Warning: Driver only carries $20 worth of ammunition!

I don't like tailgaters, that's why I'm speeding.

I am the only one on this planet who know how to drive.

How can I miss you if you won't go away?

Don't annoy me, I'm running out of places to hide the bodies

i souport publik edukashun

I took an IQ test and the results were negative

Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot

And a joke for you all:

Young Susie was having trouble with her computer so she called Wes, the computer guy, over to her desk. Wes clicked a couple buttons and solved the problem.
As he was walking away Susie called after him, "So, what was wrong?" And he replied, "It was an 'ID ten T' error." A puzzled expression ran riot over Susie's face. " 'An ID ten T' error? What's that, in case I need to fix it again?" He gave her a grin. "Haven't you ever seen an 'ID ten T' error before?" Susie replied, "No." "Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out."
. . . . . . . . . . I D 1 0 T

Have a wonderful weekend all!

318 – This Weather Stinks!

Well, since Sunday night, we’ve had nothing but snow and rain, snow and rain.. there’s accidents everywhere, especially the side roads. The street I live on is horrible, as we live quite a ways up a big hill so we got more snow than rain for the most part.
And.. it’s supposed to be crummy weather all the way through Friday!

Our UCONN Huskies (Mens basketball) team has finally come alive at the end of the season! They beat the #3 team, and the #7 team in the country in one week. Hopefully, they can win a few more to get into the NCAA Tournament!

The UCONN Women Huskies are still undefeated all this season, and all last with a win streak now at 65 games in a row! It doesn’t seem as if anyone will stop them.. not this year at least.

Has anyone here use Rosetta Stone to learn a new language? I have the Spanish CD’s and think I may try it. My daughter bought it and never used it. Might come in handy in Mexico in April! *S*

On to something funny (from my brother):

Irish Viagra
An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician to ask his advice on reviving her husband's libido.
'What about trying Viagra?' asked the doctor.

'Not a chance', she said. 'He won't even take an aspirin.'

'Not a problem,' replied the doctor. 'Give him an 'Irish Viagra'. It's when you drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee. He won't even taste it.

Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went..'

It wasn't a week later when she called the doctor, who directly inquired as to her progress.

The poor dear exclaimed, 'Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah!   T'was horrid! Just terrible, doctor!'

'Really? What happened?' asked the doctor...

'Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the effect was almost immediate.

He jumped straight up, with a twinkle in his eye and with his pants a-bulging fiercely!
With one swoop of his arm, he sent me cups and tablecloth flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there passionately on the tabletop!

It was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!'

'Why so terrible?' asked the doctor, ' Do you mean the sex your husband provided wasn't good?'

'Freakin' jaysus, 'twas the best sex I've had in 25 years!

But sure as I'm sittin' here, I'll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again!

Have a wonderful Hump-Day all…!

317 – 58 Days till Vacation

Watching some message boards at CruiseCritic.com, I saw someone say that the hotel we’re staying at in San Diego the day before our cruise had come down on their prices, I checked and sure enough, they came down about $20 to $158/night, so I called them and got the lower price. (Hey, $20 is a couple of drinks!)
Then, I looked closer at their website and saw they have a much better discount ($135) for State employees, so I called back, and the lady said “are you seeing the $110 rate”, and what do you think I said? “Sure, that’s what I see…” and now I get the room for $110, a full $68 cheaper than an hour earlier!
I immediately called my friend from Alabama who’s coming with us, and told him as he has a Government ID and can get the same deal!

What did everyone think of Tiger Woods’ apology on Friday? What on EARTH did “people are accusing me of taking performance enhancing drugs” have to do with everything else??? It seemed way too scripted for me, and not at all from the heart. I personally believe he did this only to keep his wife as he saw all those thousand dollar bills flying out the window if she left him.

And now some funnies. The first one’s for you Bubba:

A Misjudged Bubba

Bubba's sister, who is pregnant, is in a bad car accident, which causes her to fall into a deep coma. After nearly six months, she awakens and is no longer pregnant.

Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby. The doctor replies, "Ma'am, you had twins, a boy and a girl. The babies are fine. Your brother named them."

"Oh, no! Not Bubba. He's an idiot!" Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?"

"Denise," the doctor answers.

"Wow! That's a beautiful name! I guess I was wrong about my brother. What's the boy's name?"

The doctor replies: "Denephew."

(and from my friend Mike H, in honor of the Olympics)

Now that Vancouver is hosting the 2010 Winter Olympics, these are some
questions people from all over the world are asking.

Believe it or not these questions about Canada were posted on an
International Tourism Website.

Obviously the answers are a joke; but the questions were really asked!

Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow? (England )
A. We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die.

Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA)
A: Depends on how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto, can I follow the Railroad tracks? ( Sweden )
A: Sure, it's only Four thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada ? ( Sweden )
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

Q: Are there any ATM's (cash machines) in Canada ?  Can you send me a list of them in Toronto , Vancouver , Edmonton and Halifax ? ( England )
A: No, but you'd better bring a few extra furs for trading purposes.

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada ? ( USA )
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe    Ca-na-da is that big country to your North...oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary  Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Canada ? ( USA )
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions..

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada ? ( England )
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA )
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it...  Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver and in Calgary , straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Do you have perfume in Canada ? ( Germany )
A: No, WE don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Where can I sell it in Canada ?  ( USA )
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather..

Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? ( Italy )
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada ? ( USA )
A: Only at Thanksgiving.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? (Germany )
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gathers. Milk is illegal.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada , but I forget its name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. ( USA )
A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.

Have a wonderful Monday all!

316 – 61 Days till Vacation

Yep, the countdown has begun…. and pretty much 9 weeks from today I’ll be already in San Diego, California (going out a day early) and I’ll be on vacation.

While the weekend weather calls for 40-45 degree days, there’s a rumbling from the weather people of a storm or two next week to dump more snow on us *frown*.

For those of you who enjoy things about space, here's a video of the ribbon cutting ceremony on the International Space Station. I know I do enjoy that kind of stuff.. and they do a nice dedication.

No big plans for the weekend, my friends Dave and his family are coming back from vacation tonight, and my friends Ray and his wife are coming back tomorrow. Can’t wait to hear about their trips!

On to something funny: (for my buddy Bubba)

Tennessee Farm Kid now at San Diego Marine Corps Recruit Training.

Dear Ma and Pa,
I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled.
I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m. But I am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing.

Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there's warm water. Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food, plus yours, holds you until noon when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much.

We go on 'route marches,' which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it's not my place to tell him different. A 'route march' is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks.

The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The Captain is like the school board. Majors and Colonels just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none.

This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don't move, and it ain't shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.

Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home. I'm about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake. I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but I'm only 5'6" and 130 pounds and he's 6'8" and near 300 pounds dry.
Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.

Your loving daughter,

Alice

Have a great weekend all…!

315 – Crystal Ball Forecasting

It seems our weather forecasters here have been using crystal balls instead of science to forecast storms this Winter. It’s gotten so bad, they predicted for yesterday 1” to 4” of snow, most likely just a dusting. We got up to 8” of snow that lasted almost all day long.

The last storm, we were supposed to get 8” to 16” of snow, and we got a dusting.
Here's a local weatherman with egg on his face. Really. (Thanks to Mike H for letting me know)

My daughter and her good friend Michelle have started making fancy cakes for birthdays, anniversaries.. etc. They’re getting really good with fondant, and here’s an example they made last weekend for one of Michelle’s nieces.

The Finding Nemo Cake!

(Click on picture to ‘embiggen’)

My daughter did Nemo himself, and they both did the fondant work, but it came out beautifully didn’t it!

Well, I’ll leave you with a riddle and a joke:

What is the word, phrase or saying listed below?

ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTVWXYZ

Fishing?

One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.
Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book.
Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, 'Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?'
'Reading a book,' she replies, (thinking, 'Isn't that obvious?')
'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her.
'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading'.
'Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.'
'For reading a book,' she replies,
'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her again,
'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading'
'Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.'
'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with Sexual assault,' says the woman.
'But I haven't even touched you,' says the game warden.
'That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.'
'Have a nice day ma'am,' and he left.

Have a great Hump-Day all!

314 – Nice Long Weekend

Well I took Thursday off too to make it a nice long 4 day weekend. The big snowstorm that they predicted for last week never made it to us somehow, leaving us with barely 2 inches of light fluffy stuff. It’s amazing just how far off they were with this past storm, (not that I really mind) but they were saying 8-16 inches, and we barely got 2. Our State let people out of work early hoping to not clog up the roads when the storm hit. It never happened. Someone must have egg on their face from that.

Seems many of my friends are on vacation this week! My friend Dave and his wife and daughter are on a cruise out of Miami, our friends Ray and Debbie are in Dominica for 7 days for the “teachers trip” every February vacation (remember last year we went with them to Curacao?). We decided not to go this year as the price was pretty high for a place like Dominica. We’ll have our time in April! (65 days to go!)

If any of you watched the Daytona 500 yesterday, and saw the pothole on Turn 2, you have to laugh at what finally filled and sealed the hole (on the second attempt). Bondo.

On to something funny (if that last paragraph wasn’t funny enough for you) from my friend Mike H:

A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway
when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye....It reads:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
10 MILES

He thinks this is a figment of his imagination and drives on without second
thought....

Soon he sees another sign which reads:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
5 MILES

Suddenly he begins to realize that these signs are for real and drives past
a third sign saying:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
NEXT RIGHT

His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive. On the far side of the parking lot is a stone building with a small sign next to the door reading:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS

He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks, 'What may we do for you my son?'

He answers, 'I saw your signs along the highway and was interested in possibly doing business.....'

'Very well my son. Please follow me.' He is led through many winding passages and is soon quite disoriented. The nun stops at a closed door and tells the man, 'Please knock on this door.'

He does so and another nun in a long habit, holding a tin cup answers the door... This nun instructs, 'Please place $100 in the cup then go through the large wooden door at the end of the hallway...'

He puts $100 in the cup, eagerly trots down the hall and slips through the door pulling it shut behind him.

The door locks, and he finds himself back in the parking lot facing another sign:

GO IN PEACE.
YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED BY THE SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS.
SERVES YOU RIGHT, YOU SINNER .

Have a wonderful Monday!

313 – Hump-Day Snowstorm

Well, we’re due for 8-16 inches of snow today.. and I’m sure not looking forward to that! I was kind of secretly hoping that we could slide through February just once, without a big dumping of snow. It’s odd though, that it seems like February is the worst month for snow every year.

Could someone please explain to me the difference between Facebook and MySpace? Is one more for kids? Why on earth would I want an account on one? (people are constantly asking me if I’m on one or the other)

Other than the weather, things are going well. Work is good, if not busy, home is good. My mom is doing well and is cranky as she always is (I keep telling her not to worry, only the good die young, she’ll live forever!) She knows I’m joking and we always get a laugh out of it. She is having a bit of a hard time with one leg and has started using one of those 4-legged canes to help her out.

There may not be any blog post on Friday as I’ll be off that day with a doctors appointment (nothing serious, I promise).

On to something funny:

An expert on whales was telling friends about some of the unusual findings he had made. 'For instance,' he said, 'some whales can communicate at a distance of 300 miles.' 'What on earth would one whale say to another 300 miles away?' asked a sarcastic member of the group. 'I'm not absolutely sure,' answered the expert, 'but I bet it sounds something like... 'Can you hear me nowwww!?!'

A man seeking to join an East Texas Sheriff's Department is being interviewed. The Deputy doing the interview says: "Your qualifications all look good, but there is an attitude suitability test that you must take before you can be accepted." Then, sliding a service pistol across the desk, he says: "Take this pistol and go out and shoot six illegal aliens, six meth dealers, six Muslim extremists, and a rabbit. " "Why the rabbit?" "Great attitude," says the Sergeant. "When can you start?"

A child went for sunday morning service and this is what happened. Teacher: Who wants to go to heaven (the whole class raise up their hands except one girl). Teacher:Why do you not want to go heaven? Girl: My mum says I should come home right after church.

Have a wonderful Hump-Day all!

ps, thanks for the comments..! Mike, call me!

312 – I do this for one reader?

OK, Mark seems to be the only one reading/commenting! I’m back to the “is this worth it for one follower?” kinda thought.

For once, if you read, post just so I know you’re there please.

The weekend was a busy one, beginning with Friday night and a 35 mile trip to a Costco store (think SAM’s Club") for a 20 sq ft gun safe that they didn’t have at the local store. My wife has some guns that she inherited from her dad, and I purchased one for target shooting recently so we wanted something nice. This is what it looks like.
Inside it’s carpeted and has some extra shelves as shown here.

We’re due for a good sized snowstorm on Wednesday, but I hope they’re wrong and it goes a different direction.

Sunday, we had a couple of friends over for the SuperBowl. We made some of our good Jamaican Jerk Sausage Chili, and some wings, and had a great time! Congratulations to the New Orleans Saints!

On to something funny:

Lost Your Wife Lately?

I was in Walmart the other day pushing my cart around when I collided
with a young guy pushing his cart.

I said to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking  for my wife and
I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was  going."

The young guy says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence.  I'm looking for my
wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a  little desperate.

I said, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look
like?"

The young guy says,  "Well, she is 24 years old, tall, with blond hair,
big blue eyes,  long legs, big boobs, and she's wearing tight white shorts,  a
halter top and no bra. What does your wife look like?"

I  said, "Doesn't matter --- let's look for yours."

Most old guys are helpful like that . . .

******************

This is a question that has gone unanswered for centuries, but, now we know.
It requires a bit of explanation, first:

If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race ... you're a male chauvinist. If you stay home and do the housework ... you're a pansy. If you work too hard ... there's never any time for her. If you don't work enough .....you're a good-for-nothing bum. If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay .... this is exploitation. If you have a  boring repetitive job with low pay ..... you should get off your lazy behind  and find something better. If you get a promotion ahead of her ... that is favoritism. If she gets a job ahead of you .....it's equal opportunity.

If you mention how nice she looks ... it's sexual harassment. If you keep  quiet ...... it's male indifference. If you cry ... you're a wimp. If you don't ...... you're an insensitive bastard. If you make a decision without consulting her ....... you're a chauvinist. If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman. If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy ... that's domination. If SHE asks you ... it's a favor. If  you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear ...... you're a pervert.  If you don't ... you're gay.
If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape .... you're sexist..  If you don't ... you're unromantic. If you try to keep yourself in shape  ...... you're vain. If you don't ... you're a slob. If you buy her flowers  ... you're after something. If you don't .... you're not thoughtful. If  you're proud of your achievements ... you're full of yourself. If you don't  ... you're not ambitious. If she has a headache ... she's tired. If you have  a headache ...... you don't love her anymore. If you want it too often.... you're oversexed... If you don't ... there must be someone else.

Why do men die first?

Because they want to

Have a wonderful Monday all!

311 – SuperBowl Friday

So, how many of us are going to watch the SuperBowl? How many of us watch mainly for the commercials? (raising my hand) The good news is, Budweiser WILL have the Clydesdales back this year (previously, it was announced no Clydesdale commercials this year). My favorites though, are usually the E-Trade ads with the talking babies. Those are just plain hilarious. (there’s going to be a hilarious one for Dorito’s too)

This year, one advertisement I’ve seen already for cars.com is absolutely fantastic! I hope the rest are as good. Lets hope the game goes off without a hitch, and that there’s no security problems.

Well I hear the mid-South is going to get walloped with snow tonight/tomorrow! The DC and Virginia areas are supposed to get from 16-24 inches of the white stuff. Here's hoping the estimate is on the high side.

On to something funny:

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate
father to start their family. On the day the surrogate father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be  here soon" Half an hour later, just by chance a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.

"Good morning, madam. I've come to...."
"Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut in.
"Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good. I've made a speciality of babies"
"That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat"

After a moment, she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"
"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun too; you can really spread out!"
"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me"
"Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But, if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven different angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results"
"My, that's a lot of....." gasped Mrs. Smith.
"Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure" 
"Don't I know it," Mrs. Smith said quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures.
"This was done on the top of a bus in downtown London"
"Oh my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief.
"And these twins turned out exceptionally well, when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with"
"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.
"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get a good look"
"Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement.
"Yes," the photographer said, "And for more than three hours too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling. I could hardly concentrate.
Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in."
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean squirrels actually chewed on your, um...... equipment?"
"That's right. Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so we  can get to work."
"Tripod?????"
"Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for me to hold for very long.

Madam? Madam? ....... Good Lord, she's fainted!!"

Have a great weekend all!

310 – Spring Will Be Late This Year….

The Groundhog saw his shadow yesterday, so that means 6 more weeks of Winter. To prove that, we got a dusting of snow last night… just enough to make travelling difficult this morning. Those of use who live in New England know though, that February is the worst month of Winter weather anyways. Hopefully this year is different.

So, as to our cruise, here’s the itenerary: Sann Diego, Cabo San Lucas, Mazatlan, Acapulco, Ixtapa, and Puerto Vallarta with a few days at sea slipped in there.
Looking at the shore excursions for our upcoming cruise, I notice there’s 2 places that have tours of Tequila factories! SIGN ME UP! *chuckling*

I think I’m going to start a new blog… just for reviews of my vacations. Pictures, best practices (I’ve written a list of things to do as soon as you get on board that will help your stay). I’ll let you all know when it’s up.

BTW, check out the front page of Google today…

On to something funny:

Believe it or not, these ads actually found their way into
newspapers all over the world:

Braille dictionary for sale. Must see to appreciate.

FOR SALE BY OWNER: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last weekend. Wife knows everything.

Help wanted, singer for rock band. Must be female or male.

For sale, Hope Chest, brand new, half off, long story.

Help wanted, adult or mature teenager to baby-sit. One dollar an hour.

Lost: small brown poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.

For sale: a quilted high chair that can be made into a table, potty chair, rocking horse, refrigerator, spring coat, size 8 and fur collar.

Four-posted bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.

Wanted: Part-time married girls for soda fountain in sandwich shop.

Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.

Christmas sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to- find person.

Wanted, man to take care of cows that does not smoke or drink.

Three-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.

Wanted. Widower with school-age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.

Tired of working for only $9.75 per hour? We offer profit sharing and flexible hours. Starting pay: $7 -- $9 per hour.

Our sofa seats the whole mob and it’s made of 100% Italian leather.

Full sized mattress. 20 year warranty. Like New. Slight urine smell.

Nordic Track $300 hardly used, call Chubby.

Joining nudist colony! Must sell washer and dryer $300.

Open house body shapers toning salon free coffee and donuts

Found: dirty white dog. Looks like a rat... been out while. Better be reward.

Exercise equipment: Queen Size Mattress & Box Springs - $175.

ALZHEIMER'S CENTER PREPARES FOR AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER.

Free Yorkshire Terrier: 8 years old. Hateful little dog.

Free puppies: ½ cocker spaniel, ½ sneaky neighbor’s dog.

Free puppies: part German Shepherd, part stupid dog.

German Shepherd, 85 lbs. Neutered. Speaks German. Free.

Snow Blower for sale…only used on snowy days.

Bill’s Septic Cleaning: “We Haul American-Made Products."

Cows, calves never bred…also 1 gay bull for sale.

Nice Parachute – Never opened. Used once.

Hummels – Largest selection ever. "If it’s in stock, then we have it!"

1 man, 7 women hot tub. $850/offer.

Shakespeare’s Pizza. Free chopsticks.

Harrisburg Postal Employee Gun Club.

Tickle-Me-Elmo, still in box, comes with its own 1988 Ford Mustang, 5L, Auto, Excellent condition $6800.

Have a wonderful Hump-Day!

309 – A Brand New Month

February 1st. The second month of 2010 (are we all calling it twenty ten?).

The Grammy’s were last night, and thankfully, nobody rushed up on stage to take a trophy out of Taylor Swift’s hands! There may be hope for Country music yet.

80 Days till vacation!!!

This weekend was nice, if not very cold. Watched some UCONN Basketball, went out to buy me a new toy, went to visit my mom.. etc. The usual weekend stuff. Yesterday however (and to some extent this morning) I wasn’t feeling very well. Not sure what it is.. just feeling “off”.

Why is it everyone in work is always asking me “So, where’s your next trip Dave?”??? Hmm… I’m hoping people don’t think I travel too much!

Anyways, on to something funny.. because it’s on the news and in my blog from Friday, let’s pick on the iPad:

64 gig iPad will forever be known as the heavy flow model.

If I order this, will my boyfriend and I have to worry if it comes late?

If you and your friends all buy one, will they sync up?

Later in the year they will be releasing the companion tablet pen, the Ipon.

It's so beautiful when an electronics company finally becomes a woman...

Eh, I prefer the CVS brand. A few bucks less but does the same thing...

So will iffy Wifi coverage be called iSpotting?

Have a wonderful Monday all…!