555 – Heat Wave!

Yep, it’s been over 100 degrees the last 2 days, and it’ll move down into the mid 90’s today. Been tough going outside!

This has been the most incredibly busy Spring/Summer so far! It seems every night something else is going on, and weekends… forget about having a spare minute. I’m so looking forward to our cruise in September, but we have to get by my daughter’s wedding first. 15 days till that, and 71 days till the cruise.

This weekend we have my God-Daughter’s High School graduation party. She’s headed off to college in Michigan this fall.

Well, on to something funny:

Little  Bruce and his friend Jenny are only 10 years old, but they know they are  in love.
One  day they decide that they want to get married, so Bruce goes to Jenny's  father to ask him for her hand.
Bruce bravely walks up to him and  says, "Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love and I want to ask you for her  hand in marriage."
Thinking that this was just the cutest thing,  Mr. Smith replies, "Well, Bruce, you are only 10.. Where will you two  live?"
Without even taking a moment to think about it, Bruce  replies, "In Jenny's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit in  it nicely."
Still thinking this is just adorable,
Mr.  Smith says with a huge grin, "Okay, then how will you live? You're not  old enough to get a job. You'll need to support Jenny."
Again,  Bruce instantly replies, "Our allowance, Jenny makes five bucks a week  and I make 10 bucks a week. That's about 60 bucks a month, so that  should do us just fine."
Mr. Smith is impressed. Bruce has put so  much thought into this.
"Well Bruce, it seems like you have  everything figured out. I just have one more question. What will you do  if the two of you should have little children of your own?"
Bruce  just shrugs his shoulders and says, "Well, we've been lucky so far."
Mr. Smith no longer thinks the little shit is  adorable…

Have a nice weekend!

554 – Finally, some great weather!

For the past 4 weeks or more, we’ve had nice weather during the day, and rain and thunderstorms in the late afternoons and evenings with the exception of maybe one day (last Sunday). Finally, from yesterday through as far as the forecasters can see, sunshine and blue sky with no rain! I plan on taking the Vette out tonight for sure.

Well, my MIL still isn’t doing well at all. She’s on dialysis 3 times a week, and it’s wearing on my wife. My MIL was told by her doctor that she wouldn’t be well enough to go to my daughters wedding, and that upset her greatly as I can understand. I hope she has some kind of breakthrough, and can attend, but it’s not looking very good for that to happen.

Tomorrow will be 3 weeks till my daughters wedding. I wrote something special to say after the toast, and I’ll post it here after the wedding, but needless to say, it’ll be something from my heart.

On to something funny:

Old Is Beautiful

A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office.
"Is it true," she wanted to know, "that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?"
"'Yes, I'm afraid so,"' the doctor told her.
There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, "I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my condition because this prescription is marked
'NO REFILLS'."

***********************

An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.
As he was about to get the anesthesia, he asked to speak to his son.
"Yes, Dad, what is it?"
"Don't be nervous, son; do your best, and just remember, if it doesn't go well,
if something happens to me, your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife...."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ (I LOVE IT!)
Aging:
Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it. This is so true. I love to hear them say "you don't look that old."

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The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

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Some people try to turn back their odometers.
Not me!
I want people to know why I look this way.
I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.

********************
When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.

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One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young.

~~~~~~~~~~~
Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.

*********
First you forget names, then you forget faces.
Then you forget to pull up your zipper... it's worse when you forget to pull it down.

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Two guys, one old, one young,
are pushing their carts around Wal-Mart when they collide..
The old guy says to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife,
and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."

The young guy says, "That's OK, it's a coincidence.
I'm looking for my wife, too... I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."
The old guy says, "Well, maybe I can help you find her... what does she look like?"
The young guy says,
"Well, she is 27 yrs. old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, is buxom...wearing no bra, long legs, and is wearing short shorts.

What does your wife look like?'
To which the old guy says, "Doesn't matter, --- let's look for yours."

Have a great weekend all!

553 – Fridays can’t come fast enough….

The weeks just drag on till Friday, then ZOOM… it’s Monday already. Well this weekend, I have a trick, I’m taking Monday off! (have some things to do)

My mother in law (MIL) just got out of the hospital yesterday, but she’s now in a nursing home for rehab. I honestly don’t think she’ll ever be well enough to go home, but my wife is in denial.

My wife and daughter picked out flowers for the wedding last night, so pretty much everything is on track. I wrote something up to say at the wedding, and as I wrote it, the finality that she was getting married hit me. Man, I’m getting old! *LOL*

Now for something funny:

Sam and Jill, a not-so-well-to-do couple, go to a very exclusive hotel to stay for the night. The manager immediately recognized their worth but could not ask them to leave, so he decided to act smart.

The next morning, when the couple came down to settle their dues, they were surprised to find a bill of $4000 waiting for them.

Sam was annoyed and said, "What is the meaning of this? We just spent a night in this hotel!"

The manager said, "You have to understand this is a very expensive hotel. We have golf courts, tennis courts, swimming pools, gyms, pubs and restaurants, all this is very expensive to maintain."

Sam protested,"But we didn't use any of these!"

The manager said, "If you didn't use the facilities, that's your problem."

Sam said, "In that case, you owe me $1000. You see, my wife here is a call girl who charges $5000 a night, so please settle your bill."

"Why should I pay?" the manager was taken aback, "I didn't sleep with your wife!"

Sam replied quickly, "If you didn't use her services - that's your problem!"

Have a nice weekend all!

552 – Going Crazy…

Between my mother in law in the hospital bring pretty badly ill, and my daughters wedding plans, being busy every single day of the week, I’m ready to pull my hair out!

The weather’s been nice lately, with a bit more rain than usual, and boy my grass is growing quickly!

Yesterday, I rented the limousine for my daughters wedding to take her, me, my wife and her maid of honor to the wedding. I think that’s the last of things I have to do (other than shell out money) for the wedding! *chuckling*

Did I mention, two weeks ago, my car got hit twice…. within an hour? Once I was stopped at a light and someone hit me from behind because they weren’t paying attention, the second, was a very large lawnmower at work slid down a bank in the pouring rain and hit the back of my SUV! No luck at all… *frown*

Now for something funny:

A boss was complaining in a staff meeting the other day that he wasn't getting any respect. Later that morning he went to a local sign shop and bought a small sign that read, "I'm the Boss". He then taped it to his office door.

Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said. "Your wife called, she wants her sign back!"

"Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees.

"Yes, Sir." the new recruit replied.

"Well, then, that makes everything just fine," the boss went on. "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you.

A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. However, their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice.

After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?"

"I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill."

The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try. The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills.

When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.

Have a wonderful weekend all!