517 – Goodbye September, Hello October

Well, I guess fall finally is here. The fall “Fair” season is in full swing. So many fall festivals going on, they seem to overlap.

Saturday, me, my brother and friend Dave are going to a UCONN football game. It should be fun as we love to tailgate as much, if not more than see the game! I’m making some buffalo and hot barbeque wings. I’ll cook them Friday night, then warm them Saturday on a small gas grill I have that I take with me to the game.

Sunday, if the weather is nice, I’ll be taking the Vette to a car show down in Mystic CT. If the weather holds out, it should be nice.

That’s it for now, on to something funny:

Three men were trekking through the desert and came across a magician. The magician was standing at the top of a slide. The magician than said, ''You may each go down the slide, asking for a drink. When you reach the bottom of the slide you shall land a a huge glass of that drink.
The first man went down yelling, ''Beerrr!!!'' Plop! He landed in a glass of beer.
The second guy went down the slide yelling,''lemonadeee!!!'' Plop! He landed in a glass of lemonade.
The third guy went down the slide yelling ''wheeeeeeeee!!!'''

And one more:

One day an Irishman, who has been stranded on a desert island for over ten long years, sees an unusual speck on the horizon.
"It's certainly not a ship," he thinks to himself. As the speck gets closer and closer, he begins to rule out the possibilities of a small boat, then even a raft.
Suddenly, emerging from the surf comes a drop dead gorgeous blonde woman wearing a wet suit and scuba gear.
She approaches the stunned man and says to him, "Tell me how long has it been since you've had a cigarette?"
"Ten years," replies the Irishman.
With that, she reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes. He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and says, "Faith and begorah! Is that good!"
"And how long has it been since you've had a sip of good Irish Whiskey?" she asks him.
Trembling, the castaway replies, "Ten years."
She reaches over, unzips her right sleeve, pulls out a flask and hands it to him. He opens the flask, takes a long swig and says, "Tis absolutely fantastic!"
At this point she starts slowly unzipping the long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit, looks at the man and asks, "And how long has it been since you've played around?"
With tears in his eyes, the man falls to his knees and sobs, "Oh, Sweet Jesus! Don't tell me you've got golf clubs in there too."

Have a wonderful weekend all!

516 – Wordless Wednesday

515 – Puppysitting our GrandPuppy!

When my daughter called Saturday night and asked if my wife and I would “puppysit” for Max while she and her boyfriend went to a birthday party, I thought my wife would jump out of her skin saying YES!

So, our cute GrandPuppy came over for a few hours to play and sleep.

He’s absolutely adorable, and not a problem at all to watch. The picture at right has him guarding my wife… the “GuardPuppy” position! *LOL* Click on the picture to ‘embiggen’)

Other than that, it was a pretty quiet weekend. I took my mom on Saturday to get her hair done, and out to breakfast which she enjoyed.

And now, for something funny:

Get Out Of The Car

(This is supposedly a true account recorded in the Police Log of Sarasota, Florida) An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her lungs, "I have a gun, and I know how to use it! Get out of the car!" The four men didn't wait for a second threat. They got out and ran like mad. The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the driver's seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition. She tried and tried, and then she realized why. It was for the same reason she had wondered why there was a football, a Frisbee, and two 12-packs of beer in the front seat. A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down. She loaded her bags into the car and drove to the police station to report her mistake. The sergeant to whom she told the story couldn't stop laughing. He pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale men were reporting a car jacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, and carrying a large handgun. No charges were filed. Moral of the story? If you're going to have a senior moment...make it memorable.

Have a nice Monday!

514 – I’m Going to Hawaii!

Yep, our next trip is to Hawaii in early December with 2 of our friends. It seems, trips to Hawaii were on deep discount a few weeks ago, and when I inquired as to pricing, I was absolutely shocked to see they were at the lowest they’ve been in over 30 years! Our friends Ray and Debbie found it too good to resist also, and are also going.

It’s a 9 night stay, with 3 islands visited: Oahu, Maui and Kauai, with rental cars in two of the islands as the third doesn’t need one I’m told.  We’ve been investigating where to go and what to do on each and seeing pictures of such beauty there, we’re really excited about going.

Other than that, I’m taking my mom out to have her hair done tomorrow morning, then to breakfast, so I’m sure it’ll be nice for her to get out. Not much else going on in my world, so I’ll move on to something funny.

Things You Wouldn't Know Without Movies
-It is always possible to park directly outside any building you are visiting.

-A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

-If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.

-Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization.

-It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.

-When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.

-No one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.

-Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.

-When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.

-You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.

-Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds, unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.

-An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight-year-old child.

-Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment you turn the television on.

Have a great weekend all!

513 – Hump-Day

Well, another Wednesday, and where has the Summer gone?

It’s like someone flipped a light switch, and all of a sudden, it’s the middle of Autumn here. I’m not READY for Fall yet.

The answer to my riddle was Blackboard! (we call them blackboards, not chalkboard Curt)

Has anyone actually read the news lately? (like on CNN.com?) There’s so much bad news, hatred, racism, and sadness, I wonder why I even bother to look. I wonder if seeing/reading such bad news, desensitizes people and makes them apathetic. It just makes me sad to see so much of it. Here’s an example of what I mean, from CNN this morning:
35 bodies found on Mexican road
Tropical Storm Ophelia forms in Atlantic
Execution set in Texas dragging death
Bullied Teen Commits Suicide

See what I mean? Where are the “Feel good” stories?

Sorry… back to normality (such as it is).

Google+ is now open to the public. Give it a try, and if you do, put me in one of your circles!

On to something funny:

Prince Charles was driving around his mother's estate when he accidentally ran over her favorite dog, a Corgi, crushing it to a pulp. He got out of his Range Rover and sat down on the grass totally distraught. The whole world was against him and now his mother would go ballistic.
Suddenly he noticed a lamp half-buried in the ground. He dug it up, polished it and immediately a genie appeared. "You have freed me from thousands of years of imprisonment," said the genie. "As a reward I shall grant you one wish."
"Well," said the Prince, "I have all the material things I need, but let me show you this dog."
They walk over to the splattered remains of the dog. "Do you think you could bring this dog back to life for me?" the Prince asked.
The genie carefully looked at the remains and shook his head. "This body is too far gone for even me to bring it back to life. Is there something else you would like?"
The Prince thought for a minute, reached into his pocket and pulled out two photos. "I was married to this beautiful woman called Diana," said Prince Charles, showing the genie the first photo. "But now I love this woman called Camilla," and he showed the genie the second photo.
"You see Camilla isn't beautiful at all, so do you think you can make Camilla as beautiful as Diana?"
The genie studied the two photographs and after a few minutes said, "Let's have a look at that dog again."

Have a great Hump-Day!

512 – Fall’s Frigid Fingers

Fall has come early to Connecticut I’m afraid to say. We’ve had nights with temperatures in the high 30’s and low 40’s, making for wonderful sleeping weather, but cooler than normal days.

We took the Corvette to our auto club’s cruise night on Saturday, and by the time we left, it was so cool we had to put the roof  on. Many people left a bit early due to the cool weather.

Sunday night, I went out to dinner with my friend John B, and we had an outstanding meal at a Thai restaurant. I had something called “Chicken Got Angry”, and it was incredible. A good time was had by us both.

A riddle before my jokes: What gets whiter, the dirtier it gets?

More later this week… on to something funny:

A married man goes to confessional and says to the priest, "Father, I had an affair with a woman... almost." "What do you mean almost?" question the priest. "Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped." "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in," explains the priest. "You're not to go near that woman again. Now, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box."
The man leaves confessional, says his prayers, and then walks over to the poor box. He pauses for a moment and then decides to leave. The priest quickly runs over to the man and exclaims, "I saw that... you didn't put any money in the poor box!" "Well Father, I rubbed up against it and, like you said, it's the same as putting it in!"

And another:

A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked," Say, Father, what causes arthritis?"
"My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, a contempt for your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of bath." "Well, I'll be damned," the drunk muttered, returning to his paper. The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?" "I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."

Have a wonderful day…!

511 – 78 Days Till Next Vacation!

I’m not telling you where just yet, but it’s an island, but NOT in the Caribbean!

I see the new Windows 8 is getting close to being released, and man does it look different! Going to cause people to have to re-learn a lot about the PC.

I also see that Sprint is going to get the iPhone 5 coming out in October, which is good news for me as I do want one, but didn’t want to switch carriers from Sprint that I have now.

Not a lot of time today, so on to something funny:

A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, “Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?” The first man approached him and said, “Sir, I don’t wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I’ve ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?” The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied, “My wife’s first husband.”

Have a great day!

510 – Another Day in Paradise…

Well, it was a nice, if not hectic weekend here. We booked our next vacation (a big one), but more about that another day.

One of the coolest things about my newer iPad, is a small app called FaceTime. Basically, it’s video chat, almost like a video phone call.

I called my daughter through FaceTime this weekend, and chatted with her for a few, saw my little buddy Max (her puppy) snoozing on her lap, and said hi to her boyfriend. I can’t figure out why the normal telephone companies/cable haven’t come up with it for normal home use. Probably bandwidth issues.

Friday night, I went to a cruise night with a friend at a Hooters restaurant and had a great time.

Saturday night we went out to dinner with the same friend and his wife for a great Prime Rib meal!

Sunday, the usual go to see Mom in the morning, and work around the house. Then our auto club had a meeting in the early evening.

On to something funny:

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?" The bartender considers it, then agrees. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues.
After the man finished his drink, he asked the bartender, "If I show you an even better trick, will you give me free drinks for the rest of the evening?" The bartender agrees, thinking that no trick could possibly be better than the first. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues. The man reaches into another pocket and pulls out a small bullfrog, who begins to sing along with the rat's music.
While the man is enjoying his beverages, a stranger confronts him and offers him $100,000.00 for the bullfrog. "Sorry," the man replies, "he's not for sale." The stranger increases the offer to $250,000.00 cash up front. "No," he insists, "he's not for sale." The stranger again increases the offer, this time to $500,000.00 cash. The man finally agrees, and turns the frog over to the stranger in exchange for the money.
"Are you insane?" the bartender demanded. "That frog could have been worth millions to you, and you let him go for a mere $500,000!" "Don't worry about it." the man answered. "The frog was really nothing special. You see, the rat's a ventriloquist."

Have a great Monday all!

509 – Rant Day

So, here’s a few things I wanted to rant about:

Kate Gosselin is freaking out not knowing how she’ll support her kids now that her show’s been cancelled (Kate Plus 8). Um, how about GET A REAL JOB!
IMHO, the woman’s nothing but a publicity whore, and needs her kids to grow up not on camera, in a normal life. (did I mention, get a job?)

Stop with all the reality shows. They’re getting quite embarrassing now.

Allow Clergy, and first responders to the 9/11 event this weekend. After all, who deserves to be there more than the first responders who lay (laid) it all on the line. (Funny, they were invited on 9/11/2001)

Save money by ending Saturday US Postal Service Deliveries.

/End Rant

Well, after 5 days of rain here, the rivers are flooding our towns once more. Now, for the next 3 days, we’ll have sunshine to hopefully allow it all to settle down again. I wish we could send some of our water to Texas that needs it so badly.

On to something funny:

Entertainment at the Senior Center

It was entertainment night at the senior center and the Amazing Claude was topping the bill. People came from miles around to see the famed hypnotist do his stuff. As Claude went to the front of the meeting room, he announced, "Unlike most hypnotists who invite two or three people up here to be put into a trance, I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience."

The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat. "I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. It's been in my family for six generations."

He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch..."

The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until, suddenly, it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces.

"SHIT!", said the Hypnotist.

It took three days to clean up the senior center

Have a wonderful weekend all!

508 – Creature of Habit

As I get older, I find that I become more of a creature of habit than I’ve ever been. Certain things, I just keep doing the exact same way, and I feel uncomfortable doing any other way. Anyone else like that?

Well, on our second day of rain, rivers are flooding again here.  Hurricane Irene sure soaked everything so much, that the soil can’t absorb any more, so it runs off into rivers and streams.

Not much else to say today… hope everyone’s doing well…!

507 – Long Weekend Update

It was a wonderful weekend, Friday I did some chores then went out with my brother for a few things for the weekend, then a party we had to go to out of state on Saturday, a relaxing day on Sunday, and we had my daughter, her boyfriend and my little grandson (puppy) over for lunch and a nice visit. Max (the puppy) comes to me whenever I call him, and he’s still cute as a button.

Other than that, it was a nice weekend. The weather was nice the whole time, though it’s supposed to rain most of this coming week, not helping our already swollen rivers.

More tomorrow…