489–How was your Fourth of July?

Well, it was a wonderful weekend, starting with going out to dinner and a movie with a friend to see Transformers: Dark of the Moon.
For some reason, all the reviews I read were awful, with just about nobody saying it was any good, but I was determined to see it anyways.
I was very pleasantly surprised as the movie was great, with one small exception. They said that Megan Fox couldn’t act in the first two movies, well, the girl who took Megan Fox’s place, Rosie Huntingon-Whitely, was horrible! She honestly couldn’t act her way out of a paper bag, and it shows she’s a Victorias Secret model, not an actress.
Enough about her. For me, the movie was a 4 out of 5 stars.

We moved my mom to a nursing home in the town we live now, so she’s closer to us and her friends. So far, she’s only fallen once (in the first 4 hours there no less *groan*).

Other than that, it was a nice, quiet weekend. How was yours?

On to something funny, from my friend Mike H.:

HOW TO START A FIGHT

One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift...
The next year, I didn't buy her a gift. 
When she asked me why, I replied, "Well, you still haven't used  the gift I bought you last year!"
 
  And that's how the fight started.....
  ______________________________ 
  
My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while  we were in bed. I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?' 
'No,' she answered. I then said, 'Is that your final answer? She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..' 
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And that's when the fight started...
  ________________________________ 
  
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. 
  "I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."  He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?" 
  "Nah, she can order for  herself."

And that's when the fight started.....
     ________________________________ 
 
My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school  reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his  drink as he sat alone at a nearby  table. 
  I asked her, "Do you know him?" 
  "Yes", she sighed, 
  "He's my old boyfriend.... I understand he took to drinking  right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he  hasn't been sober since." 
  "My God!" I said, "Who would think a  person could go on  celebrating that long?" 
  
And then the fight started...
     ________________________________ 
  
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept  hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat,  making beer.. Always something more important to me.   

Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall  grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing  scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out  again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish  cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway." 
 
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
       ________________________________ 
 
My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, "What's on TV?"
I said, "Dust." 
 
And then the fight started..
     ________________________________ 
 
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my  lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the  boat up to the van, and proceeded to back out into a torrential  downpour.  The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into  the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the  weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house,  quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.. I cuddled up to  my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and  whispered, "The weather out there is terrible." 
 
My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my  stupid husband is out fishing in that?" 
 
And that's how the fight started...
     ______________________________ 
 
My  wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. 
She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in  about 3 seconds."
I bought her a bathroom scale. 
 
And then the fight started......
     ________________________________ 
 
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply  for Social Security.
The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my age. 
I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.
I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application..
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office... 
  She said, 'You  should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.' 

And then the fight started...
      ________________________________ 
 
My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,
"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect." 
 
And then the fight started........

Have a great Hump-Day!