384 - My First Trip to Europe III

I was probably the most nervous person on Earth that Saturday night. I could barely sleep worrying about going to Europe for 2 weeks. Would things be ok at home? My wife would have to look after the 2 kids on her own for the first time. Luckily, they were old enough (Daughter 17, son 14) that they weren’t going to be too hard to deal with. I wasn’t even sure how to call back to the US to talk to her. It was all happening so fast.

Sunday, my wife and kids drove me to the bus station for my shuttle ride to New York’s JFK airport. Again, things were such a blur, I couldn’t focus.

Boarding the 5:30pm flight from JFK to Charles De Gaulle, my worry started to turn to excitement. I used my brand spanky new passport to go through security chuckling to myself in the trouble just getting it. I was now asking myself, “What would Europe be like? Would there be a problem in communications because of the language differences.”  One other thing I thought of, that today, sounds completely stupid. I wondered if, when I was in Germany, if the Germans held any grudge against Americans after WWII. It was an odd thing to think, but more on that later. The 8+ hour flight went uneventful, and I got some much needed sleep.

Arrival in Paris was smooth, but I wasn’t expecting the sea of humanity when I stepped off the plane! Remember, at this time people were allowed into the terminals to wait for their friends/loved ones. I remember thinking… “Oh my GOD… how will I ever find Bernd in this sea of people!”  I stood on my tiptoes looking as long and far as I could, but no Bernd. Was he at the right gate? Was I at the right gate? Was I on my own?

More Monday.. on to something funny!

Some Assembly And Intelligence Required

HOME IMPROVEMENT STORE | OTTAWA, ON, CANADA

Me: “Hello, thanks for calling [home improvement store]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, I just had my shed delivered this morning and you people sent me the wrong size.”

Me: “Okay, just let me pull up your order here and see what may have gone wrong.”

Customer: “I don’t know how you people could have messed this up, I clearly ordered a 6×6 shed and I just measured the one you delivered and its clearly only 4×6.”

Me: “Okay, sir. Well, the type of shed we delivered only comes in a 6×6 model. Did you happen to have any parts left over when you finished building it?”

Customer: “Oh, well I haven’t actually built it yet. But I’ve measured the crate it comes in and it only measure 4×6.”

Me: “Sir, what does the label on the crate say?”

Customer: “It says 6×6. But I measured it and it’s only 4×6!”

If You Build It, They Will Come Early

GAS STATION | PENNSYLVANIA, USA

(I am working on a new gas station still under construction. Please note that the station is still nothing but a concrete building and new pumps. The gas signs read ‘00.00’.”)

(A customer pulls up in a car and sits there for ten minutes. She then lays on the horn. I go over to her, and she looks extremely annoyed.)

Me: “Do you need some help, ma’am?”

Customer: “Finally! Yes, I want my free gas!”

Me: *puzzled* “Free gas?”

Customer: *ridiculous sigh and rolling eyes* “Yes! The sign says zero dollars, so the gas must be free! You have to give me some or I’ll sue for false advertising!”

Me: “Ma’am, we’re not even open yet. We haven’t even finished the roof on the building, we don’t have gas yet. See all the construction stuff?”

Customer: “Well there’s a sign! It says gas for zero dollars and I want my gas for zero dollars! Now!”

Me: “Again ma’am, I’m sorry but there is no gas at this station. We’re still building it, we’re not open. Those gas pumps aren’t even hooked up yet.”

Customer: “Well that’s completely unacceptable! You shouldn’t put signs up before you’re open!”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, we’re still building it.”

Customer: *screaming* Well you shouldn’t build it until you’re open! Idiot!”

Have a wonderful weekend all!