176 - Hump-Day 3 of 2009

Well, we ushered in a new era today. We have our first African-American President. I have to say, I have high hopes for the country now. I watched the inauguration from work Tuesday, and I was very impressed with what our new Commander In Chief had to say. Hopefully, he keeps his word.

Yes Mark, (and others) I still have a waterbed. Just before my wife and I got married, when I got my own place, we lived across the street from a guy who made waterbeds. I walked into his shop (he was a distant friend) and he showed me his first high-end creation, an all oak, bookcase headboard waterbed frame with drawers beneath. My girlfriend/future wife and I fell in love with it, and we bought it on the spot. About 5 years later, I met a friend (who now lives in Florida) that has the exact same bed, from the same guy! The only difference is, mine is solid oak, and his was made with oak plywood in some places.

We've only had to replace the mattress once, the heater once, and no we have a semi-waveless mattress in it. I'll tell you, there's nothing like climbing into a nice warm waterbed when it's ice cold out (or if you're cold). Either way, it's a gorgeous bed, and I still love sleeping on water.

I've linked to a new blog, Elaine's Place on the left. She's a very nice lady who I've been reading for a short time and she has a great blog!

On to my joke for the day:

MARTHA STEWART'S *TIPS FOR REDNECKS *
GENERAL
1. Never take a beer to a job interview.
2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
3. It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still rude to drive The U- Haul to the funeral home.
ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME
1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table, no matter how good his manners are.
PERSONAL HYGIENE
1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.
2. Even if you live alone, deodorant is not a waste of good money.
3. Use of proper toiletries can only delay bathing for a few days.
4. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.
DATING (Outside the Family)
1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
2. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM. Others might say " Monday ". If the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.
THEATER ETIQUETTE
1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately after the movie has ended.
2. Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven they can't hear you.
WEDDINGS
1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create a tacky appearance.
4. Though uncomfortable, say " yes " to socks and shoes for this special occasion.
DRIVING ETIQUETTE
1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded and the deer is in your sights.
2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires does not always have the right of way.
3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer too.
5. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.

Have a wonderful Hump-Day!